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I spend the majority of Saturday in my office. I have my speakers on low with Sinatra and Nat King Cole as my music of choice. I fade in and out of work to flashes of her. Her hand. Her hip. Her cheek. Her lips. I find myself twisting my pen over and over between my fingers then my teeth.
“Your mother would be furious to know we’re both here on a weekend like this, and you’re attempting to ruin the dental work we paid for.”
My father’s voice pulls me back from the sexiest daydream on record. “Dad. She doesn’t know about me but you, yes, she’d be pissed. Why are you here?”
“I got an email from Natura. They had questions. My notes contained the answers and I hadn’t scanned them to the file yet, so I had to get a visual to respond. Why are you here?”
“Getting ready for the intern interviews on Monday and meeting with reps from a new potential initiative on Tuesday. A friend turned me on to the idea. You know me…”
“When a friend calls, you run.” He smiles. “Is that all? You seemed in a non-workspace when I walked in. It was very similar to how you were in the Hamptons.”
I tug on the back of my neck, rubbing back and forth before I lower the volume on my music. “Am I still that transparent?”
My father tucks his hands in his pockets as he strolls to the open seating on the other side of my desk. “Well, it’s the same distracted look, and pair that with Sinatra.”
Tapping my pen on the open palm of my hand, I open my confessional. “I met someone. It’s very new, obviously. I’ve forgotten how to do this.” I chuckle.
“Where did you meet, that is if you wish to talk about it?”
“I think I need to. Wes has already given me the green light. He is very singularly focused, shall we say, in his assessments. I’m not going to sit here and tell you he’s wrong, but I also know I’m looking for more. I didn’t realize I missed being part of a whole instead of the whole on my own. Dammit, I’m not making even a little sense.”
“You find yourself thinking about her more than you feel you should. You would want her beside you right now, if you could. Am I right?”
“Jesus, Dad. I feel like this is the adult version of me coming to talk to you about Lisa in prep school. But yes, you’re right, I absolutely would.”
“That’s not necessarily a bad thing.”
“Isn’t that too fast? How could I feel this way already?”
“I went on one date with your mother and always knew I’d marry her. Love works in mysterious ways.”
“I didn’t say I loved her.”
“Eli, you never said you didn’t either. It’s none of my business either way. I understand your apprehension. I also feel like you’re going to do something you’re not known for. Why you’re built for this industry is you have some of the best instincts I’ve ever seen.
“You trust your gut and go for it and rarely miss the mark. Because of what you endured with Victoria, you will, maybe rightfully so, second, third, and fourth guess yourself in matters of the heart. Maybe just this once, trust the heart we both know you have that’s bigger than your fear.”
My father’s words ring in my head for a long time. I’m the luckiest son in the world to have Jackson Sawyer for a father. Even in my darkest, he is right beside me helping and holding me up by doing the hardest things. He forces you to think for yourself. He will offer his opinion but always in a way where you don’t feel less than, even if you’re as wrong as you could possibly be.
His encouragement is on rewind, even as I’m calling Dylan’s number. In the first ring, I think about hanging up. In the second ring, I decide I’m in this for the long haul. She answers in the middle of the third ring. I can picture her smile as she speaks. “I thought of about five different movie quotes I could have answered with, but I’ll go with a simple hi.”
“Hey, Dylan. I took a lady’s advice and called the number on the résumé.”
“You’re assuming I’m a lady.”
“If memory serves me, you absolutely are. How were the rehearsals?”
“Long. I staged the whole thing then decided I didn’t like it, so I’ll pick it apart on Tuesday. Miss me?”
To tell the truth or not tell the truth; that is the question. I ended with Tori on a lie. Remember, be bigger than the fear. “Actually, yes. I can’t stop thinking about you.” There’s a long pause. I can hear a bit of faint music in the background, but I can’t make out what it is. “Viper?”
“I’m here.”
“Have I freaked you out?”
“No. Honestly, I hoped you’d call.” The husk is back in her voice.
“Where are you right now?”
