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“He doesn’t like anybody, kid. It’s not personal.”
“I guess. I just figured—I don’t know. It’s stupid.” Looking out the window, she watched as the gray sky grew slowly dimmer as the sun set behind the clouds. The panes were diamond-shaped and small, the waves in the glass distorting the scene beyond. The whole inn was made out of unpainted wood panels. Despite the lousy food, it had a wonderful smell of woodsmoke. It was cozy, if incredibly dark. But that was probably for the best, so she couldn’t see how gross the floors probably really were.
“It’s not stupid. You saved his life, took care of him for a decade—you thought he was your cat. It’s not your fault you got attached to him and the feeling wasn’t mutual. How were you supposed to know he was a deranged, megalomaniacal, murderous, sadistic demon, bent on the total destruction of the magical land of Avalon?” He smiled, as if the idea were the most benign thing in the world. “He was just a mean lil kitty cat.”
“It explains why I could never get him to like me.” She couldn’t help but smile at Doc’s way of phrasing things. It was sarcastic, but it was always funny. “I’m good with animals. But that cat always hated me.”
“See? There you go, looking on the bright side. You weren’t failing at winning over a cat, you just had a serial-killing despot hanging out in your barn.” Doc wiped his nose with the back of his hand and then took another deep swig from the bottle. He had long since given up on the bowl of dubious food.
She let out a heavy sigh. “Yeah.”
How did she keep winding up in this scenario? Missing Mordred, unable to actually be with him. Twice now, they had played this stupid game. Now that it was the third time, it was probably going to end very poorly. And this time, if she got shot with an arrow, she wouldn’t be an elemental. She’d die.
“If it’s any consolation, I’m sure he misses you too.”
Looking up, she arched an eyebrow at him. “Mindreading, now?”
“No. Just obvious. You get that doleful woe-is-me look on your face.” He wrinkled his nose.
“Right. Like you’ve never missed anybody before.”
“I don’t remember if I have or not. Which is why I want you to be absolutely sure about this whole ‘learn magic’ thing. Like I said, you might end up like me. And nobody wants that.” He pointed at her. “Especially me.”
“If I’m going to try to stop those two from murdering each other, I don’t have any other options. I don’t want to go home.”
“You could just let Mordred kill Grinn. Or try. You haven’t brought that choice up yet.”
“I—” She blinked. He was right. It hadn’t even been on her radar. “I don’t want Grinn to die either.”
“He hates you. Wants everybody dead. And you don’t want him to die?”
“No. I don’t.” She knew she probably should, but it just felt wrong. “I don’t agree with what he wants to do, but I know why he feels that way.”
“What if he can’t be convinced to stop? What if it’s his death, or the death of everybody on the island?” Doc leaned his elbows on the table. “Which would you choose?”
Frowning, she fidgeted with the mug of beer, spinning it around in a circle. “It’s not my choice to make.”
“But what if it was?”
“That’s the stupid trolley problem thing. Do you save one life or save ten?” She rolled her eyes. “It never really comes down to that.”
“You’d be surprised.” He hummed. “Well, think about it. You might have to make that choice someday. Whelp, I’m going to go get drunk in my shitty inn room and pass out.” And without any more ado, he got up and went up the stairs, swerving a little as he did.
Weirdo.
Shaking her head again, she fed Eod the last of the stale, dense bread that she’d been served, and chugged the rest of her warm, gross beer. Hopefully, it’d be enough to help her sleep. Heading up the stairs after the wizard, she found her own room and opened the door. The room was better than she was expecting, but then again, she hadn’t been expecting much.
But the bed looked relatively clean and proved to be somewhat comfortable—not much better or worse than camping. Eod jumped up next to her, turned around a few times, and settled down with a heavy harumph.
“At least I’ve got you, puppy.” She rolled onto her side and slung her arm over him, shutting her eyes and trying to pretend she was still in the keep. And that Mordred wasn’t far away.
I can’t keep pining over him like a loser when it’s my fault that he sent me away. If I had just told him about Grinn…well, I’d probably be dead. But at least I wouldn’t be lonely.
Sleep, luckily, caught up with her pretty fast. The fact that she had been walking literally all day and hadn’t slept well the night before probably did the trick more than the gross beer.
But when it dawned on her that her dream wasn’t exactly normal, she realized she probably wouldn’t be getting any more rest this night than the one before. She was in the keep—but she was in a place she had never seen before. But she knew—just knew—that it wasn’t an invention of her own mind.
This was Mordred’s dream.
