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God, I wish, I wish I could fucking remember.
“Talk to me, Aisling,” Gunnar insists, his footsteps echoing mine.
“Not now,” I manage, my voice a strained whisper. “Please, just… not now.”
I rush to the hallway, only remembering too late that Cassie is in the shower. I want to give her space—so I stop short in the hall, looking out at the skyline past the sliding glass door to the patio, trying desperately to catch my breath. But Gunnar finds me there, his presence solid and demanding.
“Aisling, what’s wrong?”
Concern laces his voice, but it’s too much. I can’t…I don’t know.
I don’t have anything to tell him.
Just the vaguest hint of an idea.
“Nothing,” I lie, my back to him. His footsteps draw closer, and when he reaches out, his fingertips barely brush my arm before I recoil. It’s not him—it’s never him—but the ghosts that ride his touch.
“Hey, it’s me,” he whispers, a hint of hurt in his tone.
“Please,” I choke out, “just give me time.”
“I want to help—“
“And I need space!” I shout.
He recoils, flinching back from me.
“It’s not you, Gunnar,” I whisper. “It’s just that this is bringing…it’s bringing something back and I don’t know what, and I need to deal with it alone.”
“Okay,” he says. “Just…I’m here if you need me.’”
He finally retreats and my back hits the cold surface of the wall, where I slide down until I’m huddled on the floor. Here, the ghosts of my past find me. Medicines that promised healing but delivered destruction. A society led by strong women, shattered in an instant. Home isn’t a place; it’s a time before fear, before flight.
I don’t know what it means.
And not being able to remember…it’s the scariest thing in the world. When your mind isn’t on your side, you feel like your own worst enemy.
The panic sets in, claws into my lungs, steals my breath. I fight for air, fight to stay present, to not sink into the abyss of what was lost. They rely on me—the ones who call me family now. Gunnar, Oberon, they all see strength in me. If only they knew it was just a veneer, thin as the walls we hide behind.
My heart hammers against my ribcage, a drumbeat to the chaos inside me. But slowly, the rhythm steadies. In the quiet, I gather the broken pieces, bind them with sheer will. I’ll wear the mask again soon enough. For now, I let the tears come, let the sobs rock me.
No one sees.
No one knows.
In the end, it’s the stillness that saves me. Alone, I rise. Alone, I survive.
Chapter fifteen
Oberon
Ican hear them arguing.
I don’t know what’s going on with Aisling, but I know it’s not good. She’s been off ever since we went to Nero’s place…lost in thought, something plaguing her. She’s always held her secrets close to the vest, but never like this.
And it’s agitating Gunnar.
We’ve been talking about it whenever we get a chance—and that trip out to the store was nonstop. He’s worried about her, frustrated that he can’t read her mind. He wants into those dark corners, but I don’t think she even knows what’s hidden there.
