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I’m holding onto the cold porcelain throne as the contents of my lunch continue to come up. My heart pumps so hard that I can literally hear it in my head, and I’m praying the waves of nausea causing me to vomit will relent, but so far, I haven’t been so lucky.
There’s a light knock on the door, and it finally comes open. “Upryamaya mysh,” Lom’s tone is low and comforting. I know he has to understand how hard this is for me to hear.
Lom walks across the bathroom and kneels down right beside me. He runs his hand along my back and uses his other hand to pull my hair away from my face. “I’m here for whatever you need, okay?”
“Mhm,” I mumble out before I vomit again. The force is so strong that it aches my stomach.
Neither Lom nor I say anything else, but he does grab one of my hair ties from the sink and wraps it around my hair, tying it in a ponytail. He rises and grabs a washcloth, turns the water on, and after a couple of minutes, he’s back on the floor. I flush the toilet because I really don’t want him to see what my throw up looks like, and he brings the washcloth to my lips, wiping away any saliva.
“Do you think you’re going to get sick again, or do you want to get up?”
“I think it’s over with,” I admit, and Lom stands first, then I rise. He uses his arm to help me off the floor, and I toss the washcloth into the dirty laundry bin. “I need to go brush my teeth. I’ll be back in a few minutes,” I brush by Lom and walk into his bedroom, then head into the bathroom attached to it. My toothbrush lays next to his, and I turn the water on, scooping water into my hand so I can use it as a cup. I slurp the water into my mouth and swish it around, wanting to get any leftover contents out of my mouth before I brush my teeth. After I’ve done that, I finally grab the toothbrush and put a little bit of toothpaste on it… but as I put it in my mouth and begin brushing, so many more emotions flood over me.
Anger. Resentment. Fury. Sadness. Guilt. Shame.
I trusted my aunt not only to help me but also to help my daughter… but she only exploited my need for help to further her own agenda. My daughter is likely the victim of human trafficking and has been since she was hours old. Why? I can’t help but continue to ask myself that question. Is it because of the money they were offering her? Is it because she felt powerful by tricking helpless teenage mothers? I don’t know if I’ll ever get the answers I deserve.
I finish brushing my teeth and head back into the main area. Lom’s sitting on the couch with clasped hands, looking at me like he regrets saying anything. I wonder if he thinks I’m weak for having the reaction I did or if he thinks it’s warranted.
“I’m sorry to have to tell you right now, especially when we’re supposed to be going to your parents for dinner tomorrow night,” Lom starts off, but I put up a hand.
“Don’t you dare apologize to me for being truthful,” I tell him as I cross the distance between us and sit on the couch next to him. I grab one of his hands as I continue to speak. “I don’t want you to ever apologize for being honest with me… especially when it’s something this serious. This was something I had to know about. It wasn’t something you could’ve kept from me, Lom.”
He nods once and looks right into my eyes. “I hate how much this has affected you, and I’m so sorry. I’m sorry for having to tell you bad news, not for the news itself, but that you’re naturally upset. I’m sorry that your aunt abused your trust to further herself. But I’m more sorry that you’re in pain. I have people looking for her—your daughter—and as soon as I get more information from them, I will tell you right away. I should’ve spoken to you about this sooner, but I wanted to have the facts and not simply be speculating.” Lom squeezes my hand, and right now, I see how much this man values me, how much he cares about me, and what he’s willing to do if it means making me happier.
“So… you’re trying to find her?” I heard him, but it’s like I need him to clarify what he’s doing. I need him to tell me flat out that he’s trying to locate her and tell me what the plan is when and if we find her.
“Yes, and I’m going to make sure she’s taken out of whatever fucked up situation she’s in. She was never adopted into a loving family, that much is true… but I need to know from you what you want to do if and when we find her.” Lom swallows, and I realize what he’s asking me. He wants to know if we’re going to place her with an actual family or if I want her in my life.
God, what a question. It’s something I never even thought I would ever be faced with, but I am. Then again, I never thought my aunt would be cruel enough to sell my daughter into child trafficking, but here we are.
I’m in a much better place in my life now than when I had her, and because of that, I think I could be a good mother to her. At least I’d be a mother versus whatever she’s been dealing with for so many years. God, all of this is my fault. I should’ve never trusted my aunt. Look what’s happened because of it.
“She’ll come with me. She’s been through enough, and I don’t want her to go through anything else that’s traumatic.” I’m speaking without even consulting Lom on the matter, but if he truly cares as much as he says, then he’ll support me in this.
“All right. At least now I know. I need to know everything you can give me about your daughter, her birth date, of course, and if you remember her features, birthmarks, anything of that sort.”
I give Lom every single detail I can remember about my daughter, from her birthmark to her date of birth and her eye and hair color. Who knows if anything’s changed over the years, but it’s at least something I could give him in the meantime. He ends up telling Ludvik everything, and I realize Ludvik’s been helping him with this whole ordeal. I’m so grateful to both of these men, and I’m thankful that they’ve been working to find my daughter.
Lom and I end up going back to my apartment to get more things packed, and by the time we’re back at the hotel suite, we’re both tuckered out. We order some Chinese food, watch a movie on the couch, and end up falling asleep cuddled up next to each other.
***
In less than fifteen minutes, I’m going to reveal something to my parents that I’ve been hiding for many years. Something that I know they’re not going to take well, simply based on the way I was raised in their house and the values they tried to instill in me.
Lom’s been kind enough to drive us out to my parents’ farmhouse, and as we pass the fields and other farms in the county, my stomach begins to turn in knots. The brutal reality is that I never wanted to tell them about my daughter in the first place because I never believed they needed to know. I thought she was off in a better place, living the best life possible… but she wasn’t. I sadly don’t know what my daughter’s been subjected to, but after we find her, I’m sure I’ll know at some point. I say after we find her because I’m going to find my daughter. There’s no way in hell that I’m ever going to give up on searching for her, and I know Lom won’t, either.
“Is this it?” Lom questions because the GPS told him it was the first left, but the GPS was wrong. There’s a neighboring farm, and that’s where the GPS tried to take us.
“Yeah, this is it,” I say as my parents’ red farmhouse comes into view. The barn and cattle are off to the right, and I’m counting the cattle as we ride down their dirt driveway. There has to be four or five hundred at least, and I know my father has to be taking some to the auction soon. He’s never had this many before.
Lom pulls the car up to where my mother’s Ford Ranger is and parks beside it. I take in a deep breath, and Lom grabs my hand. “Whatever happens in there, you’re not alone.”
His words should have a better effect on me, but they do little to calm me down. It’s probably because I know how intense my family is, and I know this is going to be the biggest blowup I’ve ever experienced from them.
We both get out of the vehicle and head for the small porch. I don’t bother knocking because my parents always told me I never needed to knock when I was coming back home, so I opened the storm door and walked right inside.
“Emily’s home!” Mom exclaims, seeming tickled to death to see me. She comes right up and wraps me up in a tight hug. “Oh, I’ve missed you so much. Tell me, how are things in the big city?”
