AllFreeNovel
Share Us
It is enough.
It has to be.
Chapter Five
Isabella
I avert my gaze and stare at the window overlooking the city’s skyline. Although there are bright blue skies outside, and the sun is high in the sky, the cheerful weather does nothing to lift my spirits.
And it doesn’t chase away the darkness settling around my heart. Nothing can. A part of me wonders if anything ever will.
It’s been eight days of doctor’s visits and nurses poking at my arms and sides while Carter lingers in the background. Eight days of being examined, my every flaw and every weakness scrutinized as if the hospital is going to be able to fix what’s wrong with me. My blood pressure remains frustratingly low, and I’ve lost more weight than when I first came in, and no one can understand why.
Except for Sam.
She’s the only other person who knows the truth about how I got away from Rich. The only person I can bear to talk to about it.
Everyone else hovers, well-intentioned and watchful but never daring to imagine the truth.
As hard as it is for me to watch Carter struggle, especially when I hear him pacing at night, and whenever I see him arguing with the other Blackthornes, I know this is for the best. Carter met me when I was pure and unspoiled, as far removed from the violence of his day-to-day life as possible. Up until a week ago, he and I were from two completely different worlds.
Now, whenever I look at my hands or catch a glimpse of my reflection in the mirror, all I see is red. Red staining my clothes, my soul, and every available surface.
I feel like I’m losing my mind, but I’m powerless to stop it. And a small part of me wonders if it’s the least I deserve for taking another man’s life.
Sam waves her hand in front of my face and perches on the edge of the bed. “Are you even listening to me?”
I blink and swing my gaze back to Sam’s. She has a little more color in her cheeks, and her clothes are actually clean, but seeing her so put together and in control only makes me feel worse.
Because I know I can’t go back to that.
Sam sighs and inches closer. “Isabella, you can’t keep beating yourself up over this. Have you ever known me to be a liar?”
I frown. “No, but what does that have to do with anything?”
Sam shifts even closer and holds my gaze. “I wouldn’t lie to you about this, Isabella. You did what you had to do, and I would’ve done the same thing.”
A lump rises in the back of my throat. “You and I talked about the kind of world I’m going to bring my baby into, and we talked about not wanting that to affect the baby…”
Sam winces. “Yes, but this is different.”
“How is this different?” I throw my hands up in the air and shake my head. “These hands have blood on them, just like Carter’s. My baby isn’t even here yet, and I’m already a terrible mother.”
The kind who can’t even keep her head above water.
The Blackthorne mansion seems like another time, one that is so far removed from the present that it feels like another life altogether. And another me, one untainted by blood and destruction.
Sam stands up and runs a hand over her face. “You need to tell Carter the truth. He’s not handling any of this well, and it’s affecting the business.”
My gaze snaps up to hers. “What are you talking about?”
Sam glances over her shoulders and then back at me. “I overheard Tristan and Paul talking the other day. The war with the Natoris and Philipses isn’t over. They’re trying to negotiate a truce, but it’s not going well.”
A shiver of fear races up my spine. “What do they want?”
“They want some of the Blackthorne territories,” Sam whispers, with another fearful look over her shoulders. “Carter is furious, and he keeps pushing back, but his head isn’t in it.”
I search Sam’s face. “I never asked him to do this. I didn’t ask for any of this.”
