AllFreeNovel
Share Us
“Too what?”
“I don’t know, on the nose, I guess,” I say in a small voice. “I don’t know if that makes any sense.”
Sam’s sigh fills the room. “I understand. You could name him after your dad if it’s a boy.”
My lips lift into a half smile. “I like that suggestion.”
“You should definitely send them to public school for a year,” Sam continues in a more cheerful voice. “I know that Carter is going to want the best school for them, but you don’t want your kid to be one of those spoiled brats.”
I snort and place my head under the shower, some of the knots in my stomach unfurling. “You’re absolutely right. I hadn’t thought of that.”
And I’m glad Sam is keeping my mind off of things. Without her, I’d be wallowing in my misery all the time. Knowing that Carter is by my side makes me feel better, but it isn’t drawing me out of my shell. Not in the way Sam is.
In spite of knowing the truth about me and what I’ve done, Sam’s treatment of me hasn’t changed, and words can’t describe how grateful I am for her.
Or how much I wish coming clean to Carter is as simple as it is with Sam. But I know that couldn’t be further from the truth.
“That’s why you need me around, and if you feel like making me the baby’s godmother as a thank you, I wouldn’t be opposed to that.”
I laugh in spite of myself.
Once I’ve washed off the last of the soap and the shampoo, I push myself up to the tips of my toes. I use one hand to snatch the towel off the nearby hook and the other to switch off the water. Then, I secure the towel around my body and draw the curtain back. Sam’s hand darts out, and she helps me keep my footing and leads me into the room.
An ankle-length dress, a long-sleeved jacket, and a pair of sneakers are draped over the bed.
“I wasn’t sure what you’d want to wear, so I thought I’d help you pick out something comfortable and cute.”
I smile and sink onto the bed. “I really appreciate all of this.”
Sam gives me a quick hug and then takes a step back. “Okay, why don’t I go get us something to eat while you get dressed? I won’t be gone long, okay?”
“I like Sam as a middle name,” I tell her retreating back. “It works if it’s a boy or a girl.”
Sam cranes her neck over her shoulder, and her eyes are glazed with tears. “I would be honored.”
I wait until Sam leaves before making sure the blinds are properly closed. Then I drift back into the bathroom, taking my clothes with me. In the bathroom, I let the towel fall into a heap on the floor and examine myself in the mirror. My body is peppered with small bruises, most of them turning yellow already, but a few of them are still an angry shade of red and blue.
As I run my fingers over my skin, I keep seeing Rich’s fingers trying to silence me.
A shudder races up my spine as I pick the towel back up and bury my face in it. After making sure every inch of my bare skin is dry, I pull my underwear on first. Then I snap on my bra and pull the dress over my head. In a daze, I stare at the mirror and avoid looking at my face directly as I run a comb through my hair.
Sam’s words still reverberate inside of my head. I know she means well, but she has no idea what it’s like for me. Or what it’s going to be like when Carter finds out the truth.
And I know it’s only a matter of time before he does.
Although no one has brought up Rich explicitly in my presence, I know they must’ve done something to hide the body. Over and over, I see Carter dragging Rich’s body out to the backyard and digging as quickly as possible. When my eyes start to fill with tears, I stop brushing my hair and grip the sink.
Why can’t I move past this? Why can’t Sam’s words penetrate the thick shield of guilt and shame wrapped around me? I desperately need them to.
Because I don’t know if I can continue to live like this.
Abruptly, I release the sink and cup my hands together. After splashing cold water on my face, I pat my face dry and pick my soiled clothes and towel off the floor. I stuff them into an empty plastic bag and carry it back into the room. Overhead, the fluorescent lights buzz, and I can hear more beeping monitors in the background.
I sit down on the edge of the bed and bury my face in my hands. I don’t know what the hell I’m doing anymore. In a couple of hours, I’m supposed to be released, and Carter is going to want to take me home.
How am I supposed to walk through the front door as if nothing happened? As if I’m the same person who walked out weeks ago.
“Looks like the little bird is all by her lonesome.”
