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I hate that I’ve allowed myself to be used by a man like that. And worse is that I almost let him drive a wedge between Carter and me.
“That’s not even the most fucked up thing,” Carter continues, his eyes moving steadily over my face. “The two of them have been banging each other’s brains out while working the Natoris and Philipses. Lilian’s end game was to get to me, and Rich wanted more land under the Donahue control and you.”
I try to swallow, but I can’t. “Me?”
Carter gives me a curt nod. “You. And that piece of shit almost got away with it too.”
I burst into tears and throw my arms around him. “Carter, I’m so sorry. I should’ve seen through him. I should’ve known.”
Carter’s arms come up around me, and he squeezes my shoulders. “It’s not your fault, dove. You’ve got a good heart, and he took advantage of that. That’s on him. Now that fucking bastard can burn in hell.”
I stop crying as the unfurling in my stomach grows. Slowly, I pull back to look at Carter, and my chest tightens. “When you say that you took care of him, you mean…”
Carter nods. “Yes.”
I stand up so quickly that it makes me dizzy. Carter’s hand darts out to steady me, but I move away from him. I catch the wounded look on his face seconds before he stamps it out. Over and over, I turn Carter’s words around in my head, waiting for the familiar surge of relief and for the weight to feel like it’s been lifted off of my shoulders.
But it doesn’t come. And the longer I wait for it, the more agitated I become.
“You don’t look happy,” Carter says in a quiet voice. “Why aren’t you relieved that his blood isn’t on your hands?”
I look up at Carter and release a deep, shaky breath. “Because it means it’s on yours.”
Carter blinks. “I’ve got plenty of blood on my hands, dove. What else is new?”
I make a vague hand gesture. “This, us. We’re supposed to be doing better, not worse.”
Carter frowns. “We are doing better. You stood up for yourself, and I didn’t torture Rich the way I wanted to.”
My head starts swimming, and I can barely hear past the faint ringing in my ears.
Looking at Carter now, all I can see is Rich and Lilian on their hands and knees, begging for their lives. When I blink, I see Carter holding one gun to each of their heads, the same blank look on his face. I swallow and rub my eyes to shake the image away, but it’s no use.
I can’t understand why this is any different. Carter has killed for far worse reasons before. Why is killing Rich and Lilian any different?
Without them, the world is a safer and better place, especially for us.
Carter steps in front of me and tilts my chin up. “Dove, I think you’re overreacting. With everything that’s been happening over the past few days, it’s okay if you feel a little unsettled—”
“Unsettled?” I step away from him, a snort falling from my lips. “I am a lot of things right now, Carter, but unsettled isn’t one of them. Horrified, shocked, and confused, to name a few.”
Carter’s eyes move over my face. “Explain.”
“I told you in the hospital. I told you that the answer to violence isn’t more violence. We can’t keep going back and forth on this. It needs to stop.”
Carter stiffens and folds his arms over his chest. “I will not apologize for doing what I need to do in order to keep my family safe.”
I make a low, choked sound. “That’s the problem. There’s always going to be a reason to kill people.”
Carter’s expression grows darker. “You’ve never had a problem with this before.”
“I’ve always had a problem with the killing,” I say, pausing to release a shaky breath. “I just couldn’t see it happening, so I pretended it wasn’t, but I can’t do that anymore. I can’t keep turning the other cheek.”
“You know the man you got involved with, Isabella.” Carter’s voice is low but measured and even. “I have never made any excuses or apologies, and I won’t start. You’ve known who I am from day one, and you agreed to marry me anyway.”
I throw my hands up in the air. “That was before I knew I was pregnant! Why can’t you see that everything is different now? It’s not about you and me anymore.”
Carter snaps his mouth shut.
