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“Nothing. I mean, I don’t think it’s anything,” I say before I can think better of it.
“‘Nothing’ could mean the difference between life and death, Nora. If you think it might be something, tell me. I won’t judge or dismiss you, ever.”
I know he’s right, but I’ve fought the urge to keep everything to myself since the day I felt the first prickles of fear that someone might be watching me. The familiar feelings of embarrassment, of feeling like I might have gone crazy, surface. I must fight my instinct to keep my mouth shut as I answer him.
“For months, I’ve felt like I’m being watched when I’m out at restaurants or shopping.”
Alex’s gasp from the other side of the room has SJ and me swinging our head towards him. Shock, then fury covers his face as he walks towards me.
I hold up my hand, telling him to stop right there. “I know, Alex. Believe me, I know! But you don’t know what this has been like for me! So don’t stand there and judge my decisions. Until you’ve been in my shoes, you can’t know how you would react.”
“In a lot of cases, the victim can feel guilty, embarrassed, or even question their own reality due to how discreet and manipulative these culprits can be. It isn’t uncommon for their targets to hide the incidents. They fear their family’s reaction, the severity of the incident, or being labeled,” SJ says.
I flinch at the use of the word victim. That’s not what I feel like I am, but I’m sure everyone around me would disagree.
SJ gives me a look of sympathy before asking me to continue. I don’t like that look either. The two things I have actively tried to avoid like the plague slap me in the face: being called a victim and being looked at with obvious sympathy. Pity.
“It’s just been little things. Weird feelings. Movements out of the corner of my eye but nothing there when I turn to look. There was a man once, but I didn’t get a good look at him.”
Nothing I could prove, but it was just enough to make me feel like I was losing my mind. I think back to the night Em and I went out to dinner a few weeks before.
We’d gotten up to leave and almost made it to the door before I realized I needed to use the bathroom before we left. We had plans to walk around a park after dinner, and I knew it would be my last chance to go for a while. Everything seemed fine until I rounded the corner and saw a man leaning over the table we had just vacated.
I simply thought he might be bussing the table, but something in my gut had me slow down to watch.
I could only see the back of him. He was medium height and build. Nothing extraordinary about him. He had a hat on, which was weird for the upscale restaurant we were in. I frowned at that and wondered what the hell this guy was doing at our table.
I watched as he picked up something from the seat I’d just vacated. I turned, trying to make out what he took from the table, but a server delivering food to another table nearby blocked the man from my view.
I could no longer see him, so I tried to step around the tables to find a clearer view. As soon as I did, the man was gone. Vanished. Along with any answers I may have gotten.
“What did the man look like?” SJ is careful to only ask one question at a time instead of firing off multiple in a row. He wants to keep me focused on each individual answer instead of thinking about too much all at once. With how chaotic my brain feels right now, I appreciate the gesture.
“Like anyone and no one. I never got a good look at his face. Only the back of his head, and he had a hat on.” I shrug in defeat.
If that was my stalker, I wish I could go back to that moment. Confront him right there in the busy restaurant and demand to know why me.
“Why do you think it was your stalker?” Alex asks.
He now sits beside me on the bed. I mull over his question carefully before answering. SJ waits quietly, and the way he crosses his arms only emphasizes his large, muscular chest and bulging biceps.
“I don’t know for sure that it was him. I don’t even know that it is a him. It’s the way my gut reacted to how that man was leaned over our table. So intent and focused on whatever was there. It just felt like him. I can’t explain it more than that.” I sigh as I lean my head onto Alex’s shoulder, and he wraps his arm around my back.
Alex has been in my life for a very long time. I trust him explicitly, even though he sometimes forgets that he’s not my brother. He’s my coach and part-time manager. I’m the one who pays his paychecks. Not my parents.
SJ watches the interaction with a bit of curiosity on his handsome features before he clears his expression. “Are there any other times when you think you might have spotted him?”
There is something about SJ that puts me at ease. I’m unsure what to think of it, of him, just yet, but I know I like him.
“The night there was a note with the flowers. I was on stage, and I saw someone approach the left side of the stage out of the corner of my eye. I didn’t think much of it, until I came out of a spin, and the person was closer to the stage, just standing there.”
A heavy sigh leaves my lips as my fingers spin the ring on my right hand. “I couldn’t make out any features from the stage. It’s too bright up there, and before I could do anything, the person was gone. I got that same weird feeling in my belly as I did at the restaurant.”
I lift my head off Alex’s shoulder, waiting for one of the men in the room to tell me I overreacted, that it was nothing. However, neither of them does.
“You should always listen to your instincts, Nora. It sounds like this guy has gotten pretty fucking close to you already. I know how to keep you safe, but I need you on board with me. I need you to trust me.”
The sincerity in SJ’s eyes has me captivated for a second, unable to breathe or focus on anything but this behemoth of a man in front of me. One who promises to keep me safe.
