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"Oh, fuck," she gasped as she felt me nudge into her. Her warmth and wetness wrapped around me was almost enough to get me to come on the spot, but I held back, balling my hands into fists in the covers beside me to try and distract myself.
She rocked herself down on top of me, slowly, slowly, taking her time as though she was savoring every moment of it. I couldn’t take my eyes off of her, not for an instant. I wanted to burn the look on her face into my memory for good; I never wanted to forget it. It was pure lust written all over her expression right now, like she was starving for me and couldn’t imagine anything she wanted in the world more than this feeling, than me inside of her.
She grabbed my hands and brought them to her hips, giving me permission to touch her—much-needed, as I felt like I was starving for her in that moment, and grabbing hold of her, feeling her warm skin beneath my touch, was the closest thing I had to sating that desire.
I held onto her tight, holding her steady as she began to rock back and forth on top of me, as though testing out how it felt for me to be inside of her like this. Sliding her arms down and around my waist, she pulled us close together, pressing her chest to mine, so I could feel the steady thrum of her heart against mine.
"You feel so good like this," she moaned to me, her voice low, wanting. There was something so raw about her passion, knowing she had never done anything like this before, knowing how much she was getting off on it. She wasn’t putting on some show based on every other encounter she’d had, she was just giving herself to me completely, not holding back or hiding out.
"You have no idea how fucking good you feel, Morgan," I murmured back, and she leaned in to kiss me, pushing her tongue into my mouth like she was starving for me. I kissed her back, tasting her on my lips, feeling her body moving against mine, the muscles inside her beginning to squeeze me in tighter and tighter as she got closer and closer to the edge.
She was grinding against me with a desperate need now, taking me deeper and deeper inside of her until it felt like there wasn’t an inch of space between us anymore. I slid my hands to her waist, holding her closer, pressing my head into her shoulder and inhaling the scent of her, wanting to lose myself in her, in how fucking good she felt.
She gasped against my ear as she came, her body convulsing on top of mine for a split-second as she went over the edge and into her release, and I buried myself inside of her, holding myself steady so I could feel her pussy pulsing around my cock. She was breathing hard, breath hitching with every gasp, these tiny moans slipping from her mouth like she couldn’t hold back. And it was that which took me over the edge and into my release.
I plunged myself deep inside of her and held myself there, tipping my head back so I could take in the thrill of seeing her go over the edge and feeling me finishing inside of her. Her hands clawed at my back, and I was sure she would leave marks there, but I didn’t give a damn. I wanted her to mark me. I wanted a reminder that this was real, that what we had was as real as they came. No matter what happened next, no matter if anyone or anything tried to get in the way of that, here, now, she was mine, and I wasn’t going to let her slip through my fingers.
I held her as she came back down to Earth, knowing there was still so much in the real world we had to deal with but knowing, just as clearly, that what we had was more important than all of it.
Chapter Thirteen – Morgan
I glanced down at the man sleeping beside me and chewed my lip.
I just didn’t know whether it was a good idea to be doing all of this with him. Couldn’t figure it out. My brain was a mess, all the thoughts I was trying to get hold of stewing in my mind. I wasn’t sure exactly what was going on in there right now, but I needed to make sense of it soon.
He dozed beside me, his chest rising and falling slowly, and I wondered how he could rest so peacefully right now with everything that was going on around us. Surely, he must have been as panicked as I was, right? Or maybe it didn’t bother him as much. Maybe he knew that he had far less on the line than me, far less to worry about, and he wasn’t going to keep himself up stressing about it.
I wasn’t sure. I wished I had the nerve to ask him, but I didn’t know how I would even begin to put all of that into words. Maybe that’s why I’d felt so much desire for him again because my brain was just trying to cloak itself from the reality of everything that was going on—it was easier to be intimate with him than it was to admit to what was going on inside my head.
Because there was a part of me, a part of me more dominant than I would have cared to admit, that was thinking of getting up and getting out of here right now. Putting as much distance between myself and him as I could, going back to Gregor and submitting myself to him again. Not because I wanted him, no, nothing like that, but because I knew I could only keep doing this for so long before he found me again, and when he pulled me back into his life, I knew he would make me pay for keeping my distance all this time.
Or make my family pay. That was the part I was really worried about, more than anything. I had to hope my mother took me seriously when I told her that she needed to get out of there, but how could I be sure? And even if she did, how could I be certain that it would be far enough, fast enough to keep Gregor off her trail? He might already have her, have both of them, and if he did …
I didn’t even want to think what he would do to them. Seeing what he had done to those men had really driven home to me the reality of what he was capable of, and I hated the mere notion of my beloved family coming to the same harm.
When I had gotten into that marriage because I wanted to protect them. Because I didn’t see any other way to keep them safe from the nightmarish hell he would throw at them if he didn’t get what he wanted. And now he’d lost it; now I had slipped through his fingers. What chance did they stand? He would make them pay not just for what my father had done, but for what I had done too …
I squeezed my eyes shut, trying to push those thoughts to the back of my mind. I needed to think straight. I glanced over at Alex and pushed my hand through his soft curls, feeling my lips curl up into a smile before I could stop them.
I lay down next to him, watching him as he slept, the flickering light of the motel sign outside dancing over his face. I couldn’t believe I was really lying next to him in bed like this. I wished I could go back in time to my younger self and show her this, tell her that we really did get the guy eventually. I could never have imagined he would want someone like me, but knowing he did, knowing his desire was real, it was intoxicatingly good.
But what if I told that younger version of me what else had happened to get us to this point? What would she think of me then? I hardly even dared to think about that part. I looked down at the wedding band that was still on my finger. I hadn’t dared to take it off, fearing what Gregor might do to me if he found me without it. It just wasn’t worth the risk.
But it meant I was still shackled to him. Trapped with this man who I wanted nothing to do with. My life stolen from me; my entire existence turned over to make him happy. I loathed him, more than anyone I had ever hated in my life. I'd had problems with my father, of course I had, but at least I had been able to see he was an addict, not thinking clearly, when he made all the mistakes that had torn our family apart.
But Gregor? Gregor was thinking totally clearly. He knew what he was doing when he had forced me into marrying him. In fact, if anything, he enjoyed it. He loved knowing that I would never have gone through all of this with him if I’d had a choice, but he loved it. He wanted to wrest my control from me, make it so I didn’t have a choice but to go through with what he wanted from me.
And that’s what I would be going back to if I gave up on this. If I walked away from Alex, the one person who seemed able to protect me against all of it. Could I do that to myself? Really? After everything I had been through?
Being with him, I was starting to learn just how much I enjoyed being in control. When I was on top, looking into his eyes, his gaze expectant as he waited for me to tell him just what I wanted him to do, it was more than just arousal that pulsed through my system. No, it was something far more than that. Something deeper. Something I knew I wouldn’t be able to get from anyone else. It was the thrill of freedom, of knowing that I got to call the shots, knowing how that felt, after so long stuck in a world driven by other people and what they thought was best for me.
Something stirred in my chest, a certainty I wasn’t sure I had ever felt there before. I couldn’t let this go. I couldn’t just go crawling back to Gregory and let him take control of me again. No, I didn’t have that in me—not after I had come so far, not after I had done so much. I had to keep pushing. I had to make a life for myself, no matter how hard that might have been, no matter how intimidating it might have felt.
My head spun with the possibilities in front of me. There was so much I could do with myself I hardly even knew where to start. I had been so set on doing what had been demanded of me, I hadn’t even allowed myself to dream about what life might look like if I chose something different. How could I? It would have been far too dangerous to let my mind stray there.
But here, now, I could almost taste it. A life I got to live on my own terms, a life that wasn’t held back by everything people expected of me. I wanted it. I needed it. I owed it to myself to live it.
And more than anything, I owed it to my family to make sure my need to live on my own terms didn’t get in the way of their safety. That was the most important thing to me right now.
