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After we drop her off and get her settled in, Callum and I will head to the airport where I’ll be traveling with him to Pittsburgh.
It’s hard to believe just four short days ago, my world turned upside down. I can pinpoint it to the very second… when Callum’s eyes landed on my bruised temple and he knew what that meant. My life changed because he decided it was to be so.
I’m not fighting it though. It was my time to escape and given that my father is already in Pittsburgh, this is my best chance to break away from Joshua.
So much has happened in the last few days that I feel off-kilter. My new attorney, Julia Bend, sent a formal letter to Joshua demanding that he keep five hundred feet away from me at all times. She also advised him that I would need to go back to the house at least one more time to collect more belongings and she’d give him the date and time so he could make himself scarce. When I had packed that day Callum demanded I leave, I didn’t do a very good job. While I don’t know that Pittsburgh will be my permanent home, it’s going to be my home for a while. As such, I want to get as much of my stuff as I can.
That day is today. Callum bought me three additional large suitcases, and I’m going to fill them with the rest of my clothes and a handful of mementos.
Apparently, the letter did not go over well with Joshua. While he’s still blocked from my phone, he sent Callum a flurry of threatening texts. That led Callum to call Preston and I listened in on that conversation. He told him to get his son under control or it was going to be embarrassing to him and the Willard brand for Joshua to get arrested for harassment. Ultimately, Preston didn’t want negative publicity and he assured Callum he’d rein in his son.
Whatever he did seemed to have worked, as we hadn’t heard a thing from Joshua, and Preston assured us he’d be gone from the house when Lila arrived today so I could pack additional belongings.
“It’s going to be so nice to be back in my own bed,” Lila says from the front seat.
I reach forward and give her shoulder an affectionate squeeze. No matter how horrible my circumstances have been since marrying Joshua, Lila has been like a mother to me in all ways.
“There’s no better medicine for healing than being in your own home,” I say. Granted, her home is filled with violence, but I know Preston will at least be on good behavior for a while and there will be a nurse to look after her and see to her comforts. “I’m sorry I won’t be here to help you.”
Lila reaches her hand back to pat mine. “Don’t you worry about that, Juni. I’m glad you’re getting out.”
I glance in the rearview mirror and Callum’s dark eyes meet mine. His mom hasn’t said much about this entire situation the last few days we’ve visited her in the hospital, so that was about as blatant a remark as one could make to acknowledge the hell from which I’m escaping.
I want to blurt out and urge her to come with us, but Callum told me her mind was made up. In the conversations we’ve had the last few days while we kept her company, I could tell she’s resolved to ride out her marriage just the way she’s been doing for the last twenty-eight years.
I settle back into the seat, watching the scenery pass by. I’m going to miss this place so much, but at the same time, I’m eager to leave. I’ve been struggling with the jumble of nerves and emotions since deciding to leave Joshua. Just a handful of days ago, I was stuck in an abusive relationship. I had a great career but my shitty marriage made me unhappy as hell.
Today, I’m separated and going to be divorced. I have no job, I’m moving to a strange city where I don’t know anyone and I’m still unhappy.
Nothing about my situation has really changed for the better.
It’s just… changed.
The only thing I can hope for is that I’ll build something for myself and find happiness one day, but until then… this just sucks.
I’m not sure how I feel about Callum. I didn’t realize how much bitterness I still had toward him. Despite my immense gratitude for what he’s done for me and my dad, I find myself forcing down a simmering anger. I’ll never forget how crushing that moment was when I realized he didn’t love me the way I loved him.
He was in town for a visit. Callum managed to fly back home at least once every month or so. In between those visits, we talked on FaceTime every single night. No matter how tired he was from the long hours and the extensive travel, he never missed a phone call.
But it was not enough.
At least not for me.
I missed the intimacy of hugs and the thrill of passionate sex. I missed holding his hand and the way he would spoon me at night. I wanted my boyfriend at my side when I went out with friends and I wanted date nights and him randomly showing up with flowers, which he did all the time when we were in college. I wanted to talk to him face-to-face, not through a video screen.
I wanted so many things and he knew I wanted them too. We talked about it incessantly, a merry-go-round of frustration where I would voice my need to be with him, and he would soothe my impatience with promises of the best life yet to come if he could just get established in a front office so he didn’t have to travel as much. Callum was driven and hyper-focused on his goals, and in his mind, there was only one true path for us to be together for the long haul.
Eventually, I got angry about it. In hindsight, part of that was Joshua whispering in my ear—as a friend—that I deserved better. It was Joshua who told me I needed to put my foot down and demand our relationship go to the next level.
And as much as I despise my husband and hate the pain he’s caused me over the years, he was not wrong about that.
Callum flew in late on a Friday night and I picked him up. He always got a hotel for us to stay in. His visits usually found us locked in that room all weekend, ravenously catching up on all the sex we both missed so much.
We were lying in bed, the morning sunlight streaming through the windows. We’d been up late kissing, touching, fucking, dozing and repeating the cycle, his words throughout always so reassuring.
I’ve missed you so much.
You’re the air I breathe, Juni.
