Page 46 of Ruby Tears

I’d let him take away one of the most magical parts of my day.

I missed it.

God, I missed it.

I missed the peace, the serenity, and the bone-deep knowledge I was more.

I supposed it made sense why I turned to it now. Why desperation drove me into any attempt at freedom—real or imaginary.

Focusing on my breathing, I did my best to sink out of this world.

I focused on a grounding cord of light. I spun the wheels of my chakras.

And nothing.

My mind didn’t explode with rainbows and calm.

It remained black and miserable, firmly trapping me in the airplane with three bastards.

A sob wrapped itself around my throat.

Everything that’d happened—the breakup with Sam, the near-rape with Henri, and the kidnapping by Victor—chose that moment to suffocate.

I hadn’t just lost my freedom; I’d lost myself. I’d lost a sliver of myself every day I let Sam mock my passions, and now…I had nothing.

God, Ily…you’ve really messed up.

I gagged on fears of what would happen.

How would I survive?

How would I get free?

Because I would never stop trying. I would never accept this. Never let these men think they ruled me.

No one ruled me.

I’ll escape.

Somehow…

Tears ran down my cheeks as I squeezed my eyes tighter.

My lies didn’t help soothe me; if anything, they made me hate myself even more. I couldn’t believe I’d let this happen. What did that say about me? Just how dumb was I?

I should’ve slapped Henri the moment he propositioned me.

I should’ve kept screaming.

I should’ve gone with that nightclub bouncer.

God…why didn’t I go?

Why didn’t I see the evil inside him?

Another awful thought crashed into me.

Krish.

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