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I would rinse myself clean.
I would stay as pure as I could.
I would march downstairs and do whatever it goddamn took to stay in control, so I didn’t trip into a promised death.
Only a few hours.
He’ll come.
He might not care about me, but he cares about them.
Kicking my shoes into the corners of the bathroom, I did the same to my trousers. Determination filled me to stay good. To recall why I was doing this. To remember the aching loneliness I’d suffered all my life. An ache that could be cured if I did this one thing right.
But of course, fate never played fair.
As my trousers flew to catch on the towel rail, something delicate and pretty fell out of them, fluttering to the floor.
Ah, shit.
Don’t. Ignore it. Get in the goddamn shower, Ri.
I’d never been good at listening to myself.
Stalking toward the scrap of cream lingerie, I snatched it up and ran my finger over the piece that’d been nestled against Ily’s cunt.
I froze as my thumb stroked the fabric.
Wet.
I stumbled against the wall.
My mind gushed black, seeing her all over again.
Bent over.
Moaning as I fingered her.
Trying to stop me…
Without any control, without any strength to stay human, I jerked off my boxers, wrapped her knickers around my pounding cock, and marched into the pouring shower.
Hot needles pierced my skin as I raised my head to the torrent, braced one hand on the black iridescent tiles, and fucked myself.
My hand squeezed.
My fist pulled and punished.
Ily’s underwear soaked with water, mixing with her own previous wetness, sending me straight into the darkest pits of hell.
My hips thrust into my palm.
My sac drew tighter, tingling with an impending release.
I gave in to self-abuse, causing pain—delicious fucking pain—all while my mind swarmed with fantasies far sicker than any of Victor’s tapestries.
Ily’s face shot into my thoughts.
That single delicious tear as she’d looked at her ex and realised he never deserved her. A tear that I’d sampled. A tear that sat like ice in my stomach as I gasped and grunted and chased a release that’d tormented me ever since I met her.
