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I’d never wanted Ezra as an enemy, but I protected myself above all else. Life never allowed me to do anything else. All of my decisions were based on survival. Had been for as long as I could remember.
“Hey,” I greeted him as I dropped my bag on the table and settled into the chair next to him. Then, I curled my arm around the back of his neck and pulled him closer to me so I could slant my lips over his. He relaxed in my hold, his lips warm and pliant beneath mine as he easily submitted to my kiss.
Christ, he was perfect.
“Sorry I’m late,” I told him once I parted our lips. I really wasn’t ready to stop kissing him, but I really did need his help. He was my only hope of graduating this year, and I wanted to get the fuck out of this shit hole, so I could get the hell away from my mom and all the toxic men she kept in her life.
Maybe then I could stop just surviving and try living for once.
“What happened?” I dropped my arm from around his neck and pulled out my English textbook and the homework I’d been assigned. We were on yet another topic that I couldn’t fucking grasp. Math was my strong suit. The English language and all of its rules were my worst enemy.
“I did good on my last test—managed to pass it,” I told him. Spencer grinned at me, pride shining in his eyes. My heart skipped a beat in my chest. That look—I put that there. And fuck, that did something to me. “The teacher kept me after to talk about it.”
“Can I see your test?” Spencer asked.
I nodded and pulled it out of my bag where I’d shoved it. It was all crinkled and bent now, and he snorted when I passed it over. He used his forearms to somewhat flatten it before looking through it. “Mind if we run through this first?” he asked, glancing up at me from beneath his long, thick lashes.
“Sure,” I grunted, pushing my book away. “You’re the boss here.”
He softly laughed and set the test between us, his pen in his hand. And then, he proceeded to show me where I went wrong and worked with me on each incorrect problem until I grasped what he was trying to teach me.
School might’ve been a lot easier for me if I’d had a teacher like Spencer who was endlessly patient.
He was so goddamn perfect.
And too good for me. But I’d cling to him anyway.
* * *
Spencer zipped his bag up and turned in his seat to face me, a frown pulling at his lips. I arched a brow at him. Besides helping me through the incorrect answers on the test and my homework, he’d been otherwise silent. I figured he had something on his mind, more than likely what happened between me, him, and Ezra this morning in the janitor’s closet. I’d just been waiting for him to open up about it first, not wanting to push him to talk before he was ready and had taken the time to work through his emotions on the situation.
Because fuck knew I was still trying to work through my own.
“What are the three of us doing?” Spencer bluntly asked me. “I get you both wanting to date me, but what the hell were you and Ezra doing?” His brows furrowed. “You two hate each other.”
I sighed and leaned back in my chair, rolling my neck around as I tried to figure out how to answer him. Because hell, even I didn’t know what the hell that’d been.
“Ezra and I…. our history isn’t all that great,” I told him honestly. “I had a crush on him in middle school, and I thought he was out about being gay—well, bi, I guess I should say. I left a note in his locker confessing how I felt, and it accidentally outed him before he was ready. He and his friends beat the shit out of me after school.” I shrugged as if it wasn’t a big deal. “We’ve been enemies ever since.”
“That sucks. Wasn’t like it was intentional,” Spencer said, pursing his lips, sadness for me lingering in his eyes.
“No, it wasn’t,” I agreed. “I never wanted to hurt Ezra. But nevertheless, I did. I honestly should have thought about the fact that he might not have been out yet. But he was always so proud about who he was, so it never crossed my mind. Always so confident and self-assured, even back then.”
“Do you still like him?” Spencer asked me.
I chuckled and scrubbed a hand down my face. “Honestly?” I shrugged. “Maybe. I think it’s a mix of love and hate. Definitely a lot of confusion now.” Spencer nodded in agreement. “Not sure how I feel, though I definitely like what happened earlier. It was easy to forget how much of a douchebag he can be. Made me feel like for a split second, the Ezra I had a crush on was back in that room with us.”
Spencer grabbed my hand in his and began to twist the heavy rings on my tattooed fingers. I usually hated them being out of place, but it didn’t bother me when he was the one displacing them. “Why don’t you two try to work things out? Talk about the past and move on?” He looked up at me, his fingers stilling on my rings for a moment. “If you two are together, then I won’t ever have to choose.”
I frowned at him, wondering if that was what was really bothering him—that he might have to choose between us one day. “Pretty boy, we’d never force you to choose,” I told him quietly. “We just want you any way we can have you.”
He sighed. “But if you two are only playing nice for my sake, I will, eventually, have to choose anyway.” He shrugged one shoulder and focused back on my rings. I didn’t like the insecurity he was showing me—the vulnerability. The fucking fear. “It would just make things a lot easier if you two were together, too.”
I laughed softly, shaking my head. He looked back up at me in confusion. “You never fail to surprise me, Spence. Are you telling me you’d be willing to say fuck what society deems proper and be with two guys? A lot of people might have something to say about that.”
A small smile tilted his lips now. “I just want to be happy, Logan. Life is way too short to do what society deems proper, even if it might make my life just a tiny bit difficult. I’d rather be happy with difficulties than have life easy and be miserable.” He laced his slimmer fingers through mine, fitting our hands together. He drew in a deep breath. “And having to choose one of you would make me miserable.”
CHAPTER 14
