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“I love you, too, pretty boy,” Logan rasped. “I know I’m not okay right now, and it’ll take me a while to be able to give you what you need again, but?—”
I cupped his face this time, forcing his eyes to meet mine. “Don’t,” I told him fiercely, even while my voice shook. “I want you however you can give yourself to me, okay?” A tear ran down my cheek. “Nothing more, baby. Please nothing more than what you can give.” Tears glistened in my eyes, blurring my vision as I stared at him.
Logan nodded. “Okay,” he rasped. Then, he clutched me to him. Ezra pressed his cheek against mine when I rested my head on Logan’s shoulder, squeezing my eyes shut to hold back my tears.
Logan was broken. So broken.
And I couldn’t fucking fix him. Instead, all I could do was just hold all his shattered pieces in my hands and let them slice into my skin. All I could do was bleed for him while clutching his pieces to my chest, waiting for him to repair himself.
CHAPTER 28
Logan
ONE WEEK LATER
“I don’t want to leave you alone,” Spencer pouted, resting his head against my chest. I slid my fingers into his hair and gently tugged his head back to look down at him. He was being clingy, and honestly, I fucking loved it. I needed it just as much as he did. But he needed to go to school.
“You need to go,” I told him. “I’ll be fine. Your dad will be home with me all day, remember? You’ve missed enough classes, and you have a lot of slack to pick up.” Leaning down, I pressed a soft kiss to his lips, trying to ignore how my skin crawled over my bones and muscles as I did so. I loved him and Ezra so much, but intimacy was fucking hard after what I went through.
And I knew they could see it, no matter how hard I tried to hide it from them.
“I love you,” I told him. And that, I did mean. With every fiber of my being. With every damn part of my blackened soul. I brushed my thumb over his cheek. “I’ll see you this evening after school, okay?”
He sighed and nodded. “Promise you’ll be okay?”
The smile that tilted my lips was easy because his concern warmed me up on the inside as if I had some personal little heater inside my body. “I promise, pretty boy.”
He sighed and released me. Ezra grabbed his hand, linking their fingers together.
I’ll take care of him, Ezra mouthed.
I nodded once. He blew me a kiss, and I pretended to catch it, making him chuckle. Within a few seconds, they were out the front door, and silence met my ears, fucking drowning me. Clenching my jaw, I walked over to the couch and sat down, grabbing the remote to turn on the TV so I wouldn’t be sitting in silence with nothing but my depressing thoughts and horrid memories to keep me company.
“Turn that down some,” Jaxon ordered. He walked into the living room with two bowls of oatmeal. He handed one to me, and my heart clenched in my chest when I saw he’d added syrup to mine—just the way I liked. No parental figure had ever taken the time to learn how I ate certain foods, yet Jaxon did it without me even saying the word. He just watched and learned.
Goddamn, Spencer was lucky as fuck to have him as a dad.
Grabbing the remote, I turned the TV down some. Jaxon settled onto the couch beside me. “I wanted to talk to you about therapy,” he began.
I grunted. Fucking therapy. Now I needed a shrink? Jesus Christ.
“I don’t need a head doctor,” I muttered.
Jaxon blew out a breath through his nose. “A head doctor could be a fucking neurologist, too, Logan. Don’t be a dick. I’m trying to help you, and you need therapy.”
I waved my spoon around while arching a brow at him. “With what money, Jaxon? With what medical insurance?” I set my oatmeal on my lap and patted the pockets of my pajama pants. “I must have forgotten I’m suddenly rolling in fucking dough.”
Jaxon set his bowl down with a loud clank that made me flinch and pinched the bridge of his nose. “You work my nerves like no other.”
I snorted, defensive. “Glad I could be of service.”
He looked back at me then, leveling me with a hard stare. I closed my eyes and drew in a deep breath, trying to center myself again. When I opened them again, he continued, “What happened to you is fucking horrible, Logan. People die from what you went through.” I swallowed thickly. I was well aware of that, just as I was well aware that my rapist was still at large. “I want to help you. I know how much you love Ezra and Spencer, and I’m not above using them against you.” I clenched my jaw. Those two boys were my fucking weak spot, and Jaxon knew it. “If you won’t do it for yourself, do it for them. Heal for them, Logan.”
I scrubbed my hand down my face, wincing when I pressed into a still-healing, tender bruise. “Healing isn’t that easy,” I rasped.
Jaxon sighed. “I know it’s not, Logan. Trust me, I know. But you have to try.”
I stiffly nodded my head, my throat feeling tight. “Okay,” I rasped, my voice cracking.
