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“Ahhhh!” Eloise held the phone in her hand, fingers clenched as the short, enraged scream echoed around the kitchen “We are not going to talk about this again. If I want someone to rail me into next week, that’s my business. I’m twenty-seven years old, Mother. If I want to get married or have children or quit my job to become a fucking pumpkin farmer, there’s nothing you can do about it.”
“You wouldn’t.” Deborah had gone cold and quiet, nearly whispering, Eloise wasn’t sure if it was the mention of children or pumpkin farming that had pushed her over the edge. “You wouldn’t give up your career to be someone’s …”
“Someone’s what? Someone’s spouse? Someone’s mother? Just because you never wanted me and you resented Father for it every day, doesn’t mean I feel the same way.”
“You always wanted that career.”
“You always wanted me to have it,” Eloise corrected. “That’s not the same thing.”
“I know this attitude.” Deborah wasn’t one to give in and Eloise could almost picture her tightening her lips in disappointment. “It is a man, isn’t it? You’ve fallen in love with someone and think that can take the place of an accomplishment of your own.”
“I think that it was never meant to be a choice between one and the other, but if you really must know, then, yes, I have met someone. Someone I love and I think … I think he loves me, too.”
“You think he loves you?” She had obviously spotted an opening and was piling on the condescension. “He hasn’t told you? You’ve been wasting time when you could have been doing something of value.”
“Jesus, Mother, is this what you called me for? My friend is dead”—Deborah sucked in a harsh breath but Eloise plowed on—“and you think I should waste more of my life in an office making money for someone else? What about my life? What about my happiness?”
“Nobody is going to care about your happiness as much as you do. Do you think a husband cares about your goals? Your ambitions? That a child will? You’ll spend years without a moment to yourself and no one will ever care about your dreams again.”
“I’m sorry my father made your life miserable and that you had a child you didn’t want, but it’s not the same for me. I want a family, Mother.”
“And if this man you think loves you turns out to be like your father? If you derail your life for him, give him children, and then all you’re left with is shattered hopes?”
Something in Eloise’s gut lurched. Hadn’t she just been thinking how little she could trust him now after everything? He’d lied to her, at the very least, and who knew what else he’d done? Falling in love with him had been an accident and the foundation they’d built had been unintentional, but if they were going to keep creating a life on that foundation, it would have to be a choice.
She couldn’t do that if she didn’t trust him.
Deborah spoke into the silence, seemingly picking up on Eloise’s hesitation even if she didn’t know the exact reasons behind it. “Don’t put yourself in that position. I know I haven’t always done the right thing by you, but I didn’t want to see you make my mistakes.”
She didn’t want to make Deborah’s mistakes, but she couldn’t live in the shadow of her regrets anymore, either. It was time for her to make a choice about what her life was going to be, and she was the only person who could decide what was right for her future.
“I’m not going to make your mistakes, Mother, but I’m not going to let your fear keep me from making my own. I know you’re trying in your own way, but you have to let me be in charge of my own life. That’s what you really wanted for yourself. The ability to make your own choices. Don’t try to take that away from me.”
Deborah was quiet for a long moment and then she sighed heavily. “I was only trying to keep you from making choices you can’t undo but if you’re determined then I can’t stop you from doing what you want.”
“I love you, but I have to go.” She needed to find Ethan and try to work out the mess she’d made.
Love was a lot of things, but it was mostly a leap of faith. The feeling had been inside her almost since the day she’d stopped actively trying to hate him and let him convince her to make him spaghetti in his kitchen.
But she’d been scared to make the jump.
“I love you, too.” Deborah rarely said it and Eloise knew that it was a complicated feeling for her, but, for once, it rang true. “Be safe.”
“I will.”
That promise might prove difficult to keep, but that was a worry for later. For now, she was focused on finding her shoes and then the man she’d almost let walk out of her life. She didn’t know why Kim had been at Dylan’s bar or what the connection was, but she did know that it wasn’t because Ethan was in on it. He wouldn’t do anything like that, and he loved her too much to try to hide it if he had any idea who had done it. He was a loyal friend, and he was willing to keep most of Dylan’s secrets, but he wouldn’t protect him if he had been responsible for something that had stolen someone’s life. Someone that had made Eloise cry and frightened her by trying to break into her house. He’d been furious when that happened, nearly unhinged with rage and concern.
He was protective of her because he loved her, and she had been a fool to think he might have tried to hurt the people she cared about.
She found her slippers by the door and ran out across the yard still wearing her pajamas. It meant she’d be late but somehow that didn’t matter as much anymore.
Sun Valley could live without her today and all the other days. The world would not come crashing down because she didn’t show up. It was a liberating thought and when she got done apologizing to Ethan about her behavior, she wanted to tell him about it.
She made it up his front porch stairs in a single jump and slid to a stop in front of his door. He had a key to her house because he was always there, but she’d never bothered to get a key for his, so she raised her fist and pounded on the heavy wood. It echoed inside but the house remained still, and the lights didn’t come on.
She pounded again but as she swiveled to try and peek in his window, she realized the obvious. His car wasn’t in the driveway, so he wasn’t home.
“Damn it.” If he’d left the house already, she’d have to try and reach him some other way. It was important that she didn’t let him think she believed he was a killer any longer than he already had.
