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“You still think you’re going to make it big?” Dad could play the guitar, and he could sing, but he couldn’t write his own music. I highly doubted a record label would be interested in him. But Dad never gave up hope.
In some ways, he was the opposite of me. I was afraid to get my hopes up, and he had no problems with it.
He shifted in his seat, his eyes bright. “You never know when the right person’s going to be in the audience.”
If he’d said he needed to perform to feel fulfilled, I’d understand that. Art filled something inside of me, and I couldn’t imagine not having that outlet. But Dad seemed to do it because of what he could get from it. Whether that was fame, fortune, or both. “I hope it happens for you.”
“You have to keep the faith.”
I drank my water, hoping it would soothe my dry throat. As a little girl, I strongly believed that my dad would take me with him. I’m sure I hurt my mom when I asked when he would. As I got older, I realized he’d drop in with gifts and grand plans, but in the end, they never included me.
“You think you’ll ever settle in one place?” I asked flatly, already knowing the answer. I wasn’t sure why I asked every time he visited. It was some sick way for me to confirm what I already knew. Dad would never be the man I needed him to be. I wondered if John would stick around and maybe become a father figure in my life.
The logical part of me knew I’d gotten shafted in the father department, and it was best to get over it.
He shook his head. “You know I’d be itching to leave before long.”
“Mmm,” I hummed, used to his excuses. I could recite them from memory at this point. But I wasn’t sure what else there was to talk about.
“Why are you shacking up with your ex? You know you shouldn’t go back twice. There’s a reason it didn’t work out the first time.”
I wasn’t why he was here, especially if he was going to criticize my decisions. I gestured between us. “We don’t have to do this every few years.”
He raised a brow. “Do what? Breakfast?”
I nodded. “You don’t have to visit me. I know you don’t really want to. I don’t know if Mom puts you up to it.”
Dad smiled so wide his dimples popped, and he reached across the table to cover my hand with his. “Of course, I want to be here. You’re my daughter.”
There wasn’t an I love you, but I didn’t expect one. “I’m twenty-eight. We’re past this. We don’t have to be in each other’s lives if you don’t want to be.”
“Are you saying you don’t want to see me?” Dad asked, his tone incredulous.
In his world, everyone loved him, and for the most part, that was true. It took a strong person to see who he really was. He gave the appearance that he was listening to you, that he wanted the same things, but his actions revealed otherwise. He’d never be there when you needed him, and he’d leave town without a warning.
“I guess it’s good to catch up, but only if you want to,” I said carefully.
“Of course, I want to see you.”
I never felt it from him. It felt like more of an obligation than anything else. He could say he saw his daughter if anyone asked. “Mom’s seeing someone.”
Dad stilled. “Really?”
“I met him at Christmas. He’s a nice guy. He seems steady and dependable.” Everything Dad wasn’t.
Dad sighed. “That’s what she needs.”
“Are you happy?”
Dad drummed his fingers on the table. “I like what I’m doing. I enjoy meeting new people.”
That was because they didn’t know who he was yet. If you spent more time with him, he’d reveal his true nature. He was a good-time guy. One you met at the bar, drank some beers, and shot the shit with. You couldn’t form a relationship with him. You certainly couldn’t depend on him.
He was a musician who played at different bars up and down the East Coast. He stopped in every few years to see how I was doing. This was all he could offer me, and I needed to be okay with that or cut ties with him altogether.
“Are you living with Talon now?”
“Kind of?” It was weird to have this conversation with Dad because he hadn’t been present when I started dating. “I still have my apartment in town. He’s storing my kiln in his workshop, so it’s easier to stay by him. Besides, I love the farm and his family.”
