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I don't know who this woman was, but knowing Elijah, he would have paid off the mortician and picked a body that would not have been missed. He has been in this game far too long to make any mistakes.
Hearing Joe's footsteps enter the warehouse, I take out my phone and get some photos of the dead for Nicolai. I know he will want evidence. I saw the doubt in his eyes when I left Stonewood Estate. He will need proof that Scarlet Reed's life has ended.
Joe comes to stand beside me, looking down at the lifeless body briefly before handing me the body bag. Together we secure her in the bag without exchanging any words. We take the body to our usual guy, who will incinerate her, and make our way back to Nicolai's.
"It's done." I hand Nicolai my phone and watch his eyes examine the photos I took.
"Good, I guess now we wait and see if there will be any repercussions." He passes me back the phone, and I quickly delete the evidence of my sin.
"Like I said before. She didn't have anything on us. It was all a rouge."
"Well, I hope you're right, brother." He holds up a glass. "Can I get you a drink?"
I feel like snatching the whole bottle because that is what it would take to numb the pain I feel in my chest right now. I nod, watching him pour me a glass.
"Everything went okay?"
"Smooth as silk," I answer, taking the glass from him and sculling the whiskey.
"You seem ruffled."
"It's been a long couple of weeks. I am just glad it is all over."
Nicolai regards me, nodding like he understands how I am feeling. "It has. Why don't you take a couple of days off? Clear your head."
"I don't need time off. I just need some sleep."
Over his furrowed brows, Nicolai glares at me. "Are you sure everything is okay?"
"Yes," I answer quickly. But actually, my honest answer is no. Hell no, everything is not okay! I just deceived my brother for a woman I barely know, putting not only my life in danger but my best friend’s also. Everything is not fucking okay!
How is it even possible that I feel what I do for Scarlet after such a short time? No one has ever made me feel every goddamn emotion so fiercely, so profoundly. At first, I thought that if I slept with her, my slight infatuation would be over. I was so wrong. It only fueled the fire, turning it into a blazing inferno. The more I had of her, the more I wanted. I never knew a feeling like this was even possible. Sure, I have watched Nicolai and Alessio fall madly in love over the last few years, but unless you genuinely feel it yourself, you could never imagine what it is like.
Love is powerful, uncontrollable. It makes you do crazy fucking things! Love. There I said it. I am in love. There is no other possible conclusion I can make from this. Why else would I risk everything for her otherwise?
How do people survive it? How do people go on living after they've lost it? I feel like my insides have been torn out, clawed at, chewed on, and spat back out. I hate it. I hate to love and everything that it stands for. If this is what it does to you, I don't want it. I just want to go back to feeling nothing! I'd give anything to turn back time and to have never heard Scarlet Reed's name. Go back to not knowing that such a woman ever existed.
"I am going. I need a stiff drink and a soft bed. I will talk to you tomorrow." I take my leave quickly before Nicolai can say anything else. I don't want to go, but I have to. I cannot look at my brother a second longer and lie to his face.
As soon as I walk through the front door of my now empty apartment, I head straight to my bar, grab an unopened bottle of whiskey, and then lay on my bed. I can still smell her on my sheets. It takes everything in me not to knock down Elijah's door and demand he hand her back to me.
Halfway through the bottle, reality sinks its sharp, ugly teeth into me. Even if I were to find her and declare my feelings to her, she would never accept me. Scarlet could never love someone like me. Let's face it, she sure as hell deserves so much more than I could ever offer her. It was delusional to ever think of the possibility.
I have to let her go.
Forty-One
Scarlet
I watch the murky brown water pool at my feet as I rinse out the dark brown hair dye Elijah left for me. I have never had brown hair before and can only imagine the horror I will see when I look at myself in the mirror.
The hot water stings my frosty skin but soothes my aching and tired muscles. All the tension and stress I have been holding onto these past few weeks has twisted my muscles into tender knots. I don’t know how I feel right now. Too many different emotions wash through me to be able to dissect a single one. They toss around together in my head, jumbling my reason, scrambling my resolve. I wash and dry myself, robotic and numb.
Tearing off the label on my new clothes, I dress and lay on the bed, cuddling Pumpkin. ‘Get some sleep,’ Elijah said. Pft. I wish! I wish I could. It would switch off the crickets still ringing distantly in my ears and perhaps put to bed the endless punishment I keep putting my mind through.
No phone, no clock. There is no way of telling how late, or early it is, trapped between four walls and my reflection three stories underground.
Everything about Luca is so contradictory. He is evil, but goodness lies dormant in his heart—a murderer, but only taking the lives of men that destroy others or endanger his own. Selfish, yet he gave his life to save another. Brutal and cruel in battle, yet gentle and soft as a lover. Harsh, yet honest. Loyal but defiant. Strong in honor, yet weak in morals. None of him makes sense.
