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“Holy shit.” Luca places his hand over the spot on my stomach that just moved. “I can feel him,” he says it with such delight that it makes me smile also. Somehow, in this moment, all my doubts and fears crumble to dust. Watching Luca’s sheer amazement at feeling his child for the first time is undoubtedly the most beautiful thing I have ever experienced. Goosebumps litter my skin, but on the inside, every piece of me drowns in a gentle calmness.
He looks up at me abruptly with concern as creases form around his eyes. “Why did he stop? What’s wrong?” Alarm rings loudly in his tone.
I can’t help the laugh that escapes me at his reaction. “Pickle was just finding a more comfortable position.”
“Pickle?” he says, thick with confusion and what seems like disgust. “You are not calling my son Pickle! What kind of a fucked-up name is that?”
I laugh again. “It’s a nickname. Just until I know if it’s a boy or a girl.”
“Well, I am telling you it’s a boy, and he won’t have a pickle between his legs. He will have a huge…”
“Ahem.” I place my finger over his mouth to stop the male peacocking he was undoubtedly about to do.
“And if it’s a girl?” I raise a brow, unable to wipe the big fat grin from my face.
“Then she will be beautiful and fierce, just like her mother,” he says playfully as he leans in closer to me, a whisper away from my lips. “I missed you, red,” he murmurs softly. I close my eyes as his lips touch mine. Tender and warm at first, but then feverishly. He kisses me like he would die if I didn’t accept him. If I didn’t receive all of him. But as I kiss him back, I realize he already has all of me. I finally allow myself to feel what I have so long tried to chase away in my heart, what I fought so hard against. It’s illogical, but it is there. Love.
Every fairy-tale has a villain, and I just fell in love with mine. A gentle peace washes over me as I realize I just might get a happy ending to my story after all.
Forty-Eight
Luca
As Scarlet settles herself back into bed, I make quick work of removing my shirt and pants and climb in next to her. It’s late, and Scarlet looks exhausted. I pull her to me, spooning her from behind. Closing my eyes, I bask in the warmth of her body against mine. The stress, anxiety, pain, and torment from the past seven months melt away, becoming more and more distant the longer I lay holding her.
My hand rests on her stomach, and every now and again, the small movements I feel under my hand is like a peaceful lullaby singing to my tattered soul. Never in a million years did I think I would ever be a father. That I could ever be worthy of such a precious task. Scarlet has not only changed my heart, but she has changed my fucking life. Everything I once thought impossible suddenly seems so easy, so fucking right. She makes everything right.
“Luca?” Scarlet whispers, her voice soft and sleepy.
“Yes.”
“Did you mean what you said? Do you really love me?”
I pull her tighter into me, breathing her in. “With every beat of my crooked heart and with every breath from my broken soul, I love you.”
She rolls over to face me, but I can’t see her clearly in the dark. I can feel her, though. Her sweet cool breath tickles my neck.
“It doesn’t make sense.”
“What doesn’t?”
“You and I. Our love,” she answers. “We are practically strangers and from two very different worlds.”
I smile. ‘Our love.’ Is that her way of telling me she loves me too?
I reach my hand out, touching her face, resting my nose on hers. “I know, I can’t explain it, but I know it feels right.” I kiss her forehead. It occurs to me that I have yet to ask her if this is what she actually wants? Does she want to be with me? Does she love me? I hesitate to ask because, in truth, I am not ready for her answer. I am not ready to let her go for a second time.
“Everything will be okay. I promise you.” I pull her into me.
“I want to believe that. I really do,” she murmurs as she settles her head in the crook of my neck, and her stomach rests against mine. A few minutes of silence pass until I hear her breathing go soft and steady. She has fallen asleep, and the moment has passed to ask her how she feels. I can only trust that for now I still have her heart.
* * *
I awake to the warmth of sunlight on my face. Untroubled, my mind feels composed and clear. Free from the war I have so long fought within myself. Last night I had the best night's sleep I have had in years. I feel refreshed and rejuvenated, on the highest of highs. But as I look down at Scarlet, who is still sleeping next to me, I’d be lying if I said I didn't still hold some concerns.
What if she wakes up and tells me to leave? Were my promises and declaration of love enough to convince Scarlet I can change for her. For our baby?
As I sit and watch Scarlet sleep, I become more and more aware that I cannot leave here without her. I won’t. I will do whatever is necessary to convince her to come home with me. She is already a flight risk this late in her pregnancy as it is. We can’t wait. If we leave Spain, it has to be today.
