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“Did you think I’d turn into ash as soon as I passed through the doors?” I hear her say to him and I stifle a laugh.
“I suppose you and the church have something in common,” Rausch retorts as he settles further into his seat. “God welcomes all.”
Evangeline makes an indignant noise.
All swords are laid down as Mass begins. Halfway through the service, there is a collective noise, like the snap of a rubber band, that echoes throughout the nave when the hassock is pulled out and knees hit the cushion. As the priest reads a prayer from the Old Testament, I look over at Evangeline whose head is bowed, pieces of her blonde hair across her cheeks and her eyes are closed. Although her lips aren’t moving, reciting the prayer along with the priest like the rest of the patrons, I can’t help but feel as though she’s praying too.
My attention is brought back front and center when the priest says amen, followed by the sign of the cross, and everyone’s voices chime in unison. We sit back onto the bench, and the priest begins reading a eulogy for both my parents. He starts with their participation in the church, generous donations, and unwavering faith, before speaking about their character and accomplishments.
Their lives are summed up, entwined together like carefully tied ribbons that don't reveal their faults, and as the service concludes, the priest reads Psalm 23.
The LORD is my shepherd;
I shall not want.
He maketh me to lie down in green pastures:
He leadeth me beside the still waters.
He restoreth my soul.
I don’t think my soul can be restored.
I’m supposed to greet people as they leave, say a few words of gratitude to the priest, but I can’t bring myself to do it. I meet Evangeline at the end of the pew, grab her hand, and we exit the church.
Behind us is Rausch, his imposing figure taking up more space than necessary.
“Why didn’t you want that man here?” I ask without looking behind me.
“Because your father wouldn’t have wanted him here,” he answers, but I already knew that.
“Is he my grandfather?”
“Spoken like a true lawyer,” Rausch chuckles.
“What does that mean?”
“You’re asking questions that you already know the answers to.”
“Why does everything have to be so difficult with you?” I ask.
“I could say the same about you, Darren.”
“Don’t make me beg for answers,” I say quietly, because that’s what he likes to do – lord information over people.
I can hear him sigh behind me. “Go on then.”
“What happened between them?” I ask, as the line moves up.
“Despite what you think,” Rausch pauses, pulling in a breath, “there are some things even I don’t know.”
“I find that hard to believe.”
Rausch chuckles as if it’s an inside joke. “Your father used to say that to me.”
I thought it would anger me, being compared to him, but it doesn’t.
As soon as we exit the church, Bailey opens the door for us, a solemn look on his face as he nods at me, and I let Evangeline enter first, leaving Rausch to get in the sedan behind us.
