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“Do you think I didn’t see it?” Nox said as he gathered Nelson’s beloved face in his hands. “I made it known in every way possible—public, psychic, cosmic—that I was not only gay, but that I had no intentions of ever having an heir for this exact reason. I thought I could show the Dagda that He couldn’t take my love from me the way He took my mother from my father and that I would not pass this curse on to one more soul. I decided it would end with me, so the Dagda gave me an Uaithne that I would love and cherish above everything.”
“You make it sound like I’m just a pawn or a piece of meat. Like I’m just Jeff with a holy dick and a badge,” Nelson said with a scolding look.
“No,” Nox stated firmly, even though he could see some confusing parallels. “You are everything I dream of in a man, but you have been bred to love me the way I was bred by Merlin and my ancestors to love the Dagda.”
Nelson shrugged. “So? You said we can be fated for something and still not want it, but what’s wrong with loving something just because you’re supposed to? Bees love flowers and we don’t bemoan fate for it, right?” he asked and Nox nodded.
“Right…”
“Right,” Nelson agreed. “Loving you is good for me, Nox, in ways that have nothing to do with prophecies or curses. I love you because you are beautiful in every way—inside and out—and because you make me feel like I’m worth something, like I’m beautiful too. I’d love you if I wasn’t bred to and it wasn’t my fate. I’d love you because I’m human and I see the human in you, not the god.”
“You do,” Nox said softly as he stepped into Nelson and captured his lips for a careful kiss, not wanting to stir the part of himself that wasn’t human. “That’s why I can’t give up. I have to fight for the parts of me that belong to you, so there’s something left of me for you to hold onto.”
“Good. How do we do that?” Nelson asked, pecking at Nox’s lips.
“I think…” Nox sighed as he set Nelson away from him. “You need to stay away from me.”
“No!” Nelson immediately reached for him, but Nox drifted back and wagged a finger.
“Not too far and just for a few days,” he said quickly, looking around them. “I need to think and I can’t do that clearly with you nearby. He takes the wheel, if you know what I mean,” Nox explained and Nelson nodded slowly.
He shuffled closer, hesitant to let Nox out of his reach again. “You aren’t sending me away, though?” he verified and Nox shook his head.
“No. Not at all. But I can’t find myself and see where I end and He begins when I’m with you.”
“Okay… How are you going to do that?” Nelson asked, his brow furrowing with concern.
“I think…” Nox’s lips twisted as he considered how to get deep, deep, deep within himself. He thought of the last time Nelson was that deep inside of him and smiled. “I think I need to drink some more tea. And lots of it,” he added with a teasing wink, earning a dubious snort from Nelson.
“You want to think clearly and that’s how you’re going about it?”
“A mind without chains and barriers! It worked last night and I saw my dad. My actual dad,” Nox said as he backed out of the study, pointing for Nelson to stay. “Give me a few days and stay close but not too close,” he repeated.
“Stay close but not too close.” Nelson had his antacids out and popped one into his mouth as he watched Nox go. “I love you,” he said, chewing as he offered Nox a weak wave.
“I love you too and I’ll be back,” Nox vowed and gave him a cocky salute before turning and heading for the kitchen. His smile fell and Nox prayed to all the gods that whatever he found there would be strong and enough to save them.
Epilogue
Aface began to take shape in the inky darkness until Nox recognized his reflection over the mantle in his bedroom. He smiled at his hair. It was messy and extra long on top; just the way he liked it. His gaze dropped to his gray shirt and his new soft blue corduroy vest and Nox realized it was Monday. He didn’t have any lectures and Nox had worn the new vest because Nelson was picking him up for lunch soon.
“He went to the courthouse in Adelphi to look at those records and he’s picking up his dry cleaning,” Nox recalled, looking around the room. “I’m awake but why am I awake here?”
He turned and regarded his reflection hoping for a clue, then checked the mantle and swore when he saw his mother’s locket. “There you are.” He petted it lovingly, grateful to see it where it belonged.
This was the last time Nox had seen it, but he drew a complete blank when they attempted their own internal investigation of the break-in. “Why couldn’t I remember this?” he asked as he picked up the chain and undid the clasp. Nox raised it and went to clasp it behind his neck, then frowned at himself.
“This doesn’t work,” he said to his reflection. “Silver against blue and gray? It’s practically invisible.” He shook his head, fixing the clasp and returning the locket to the mantle. “I’ll wear the strand of pearls Merlin gave me,” he decided as he hurried to find them in the closet.
He was jogging down the stairs ten minutes later when the doorbell rang. “Just a moment,” Nox called as he went to get it. He checked the window but there was only murky gray on the other side of the glass. “Odd,” he noted before pulling open the door. “Hello! This is a surprise,” Nox said cheerfully, but he blinked at the blurry, shadowed face.
“He asked me to drop this off since I was driving right by,” the other man said. He wasn’t wearing a hat and it was a perfectly sunny afternoon, but a dark shadow obscured his face.
“That was nice of you,” Nox said, glancing at his hands but he couldn’t see what he was holding. He couldn’t get his vision to focus and could only see a blur. He looked behind the man, hoping for a vehicle or any other clue to Nox’s visitor’s identity but there was nothing but gray. “Want to come in?” Nox asked with a welcoming smile and waved him in.
“Just for a moment. I’m heading home, actually. Having a monster of a migraine and I’m going to curl up in the dark with some tea and wear my noise-canceling headphones until it passes.”
“I’m so sorry to hear that. What kind of tea are you drinking?” Nox squinted harder, struggling to make out anything in the shadows.
