AllFreeNovel
Share Us
“Fucking bitch!” Callie squealed as her face turned very red and she squirmed to get free.
“You are in achurch, for God’s sake,” Sophie said, sounding remarkably relaxed. “Watch your language.”
The bridal party was frozen and looked unsure if they should assist the bride or back the hell down.
The pastor appeared to be crossing himself.
“Listen, ah, we’re going to take off,” I said, hoping a little calm sarcasm might defuse the situation, “and let Callie and TJ work this out. Can someone please assist in the bridal handoff here?”
Everyone looked shell-shocked and unable to move—rightly so—but then the bride’s father stood. I watched him walk toward us in his cowboy hat and boots withfucking spurs—oh, shit—and wondered if he was going to help me or murder me; his tough, weathered face made it hard to tell.
My worldview narrowed to the ominous jingle of those ridiculous spurs.
“Cut the shit, Cal,” he said in a low Clint Eastwood kind of voice as he approached his daughter. “No fighting in church.”
Thank God.
The man gave Sophie a nod and she released the bride, who was now a bit purple faced. She didn’t try to physically attack Sophie again, but that was probably because TJ came over immediately, still demanding answers.
As we exited the chapel, though, she did manage to yell, “That’s right, get the hell out of here!”
We damn near sprinted to my truck when we got outside, neither of us talking as we focused on getting the hell out of there. But once we were buckled and the engine was running, I looked over at her.
The back of her hair was sticking up, and without thinking, I reached over and patted it down.
Which made her laugh, eyes crinkled at the corners, which made me laugh, too. A second later we were both cackling at the absurdity of what’d just happened, the kind of full-on belly laughing that put tears in both of our eyes.
When she finally got herself together, Sophie said, “Let’s never do a redneck wedding again.”
I wiped at my eyes and put the truck in drive. “Agreed.”
We were meeting TJ at a bar a few towns over for payment, though God only knew how long it would take him to extricate himself from the mess at the church. TJ and Callie shared bank accounts, so he hadn’t been able to Venmo beforehand because she would’ve asked questions.
I had zero interest in taking money from my old friend, but since he insisted, Sophie was getting the whole pot.
“I have to say,” Sophie said, “I actually feel like I did something good today.”
“You’re just being cocky because of the headlock, which was very impressive, I might add.” I glanced over at her and was surprised to see her turned toward me in her seat, looking relaxed and chill.
“Absolutely I am,” she agreed, sounding pleased with herself. “I’ve never done that outside of the gym, so it felt amazing to pull it off.”
“You grapple?” I asked, shocked but also not, because she was clearly a mass of contradictions.
“No, but I take a self-defense course every year to keep myself sharp. Never imagined I’d use my skills on a redneck bride.”
“I bet,” I said, switching to the other lane. “So does this mean you’re open to doing another wedding?”
“I don’t know,” she replied, tilting her head in consideration. “On one hand I feel like I helped someone, but on the other I feel like I was very nearly murdered by a redneck congregation.”
“That’s called Saturday night, sunshine.”
“It probably is in whatever that hick town was called.”
“Probably,” I agreed. “But most weddings are very normal, with zero camo and few hillbillies.”
“Then I would probably consider another normal wedding.”
I glanced over. “Is there a money threshold? As in, you won’t do it for less than a certain amount?”
