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“Oh, honey. I’m so sorry. You’re not having doubts about yourself again, are you? Thinking this is about your arm making you unattractive? Because I’ll disabuse you of that notion right the hell now.” Her back was up, in a delightfully aggressive way.
Pixie shook her head, talking Julie down. “No. I kind of…intimated that might be what I thought was the problem, and he assured me it wasn’t. He did a convincing job, because I actually believed him.”
“Good. Now tell me about the rest of his visit. And don’t leave anything out.”
Pixie regrouped.
“Well, we laughed and had a really nice time, but you know me. By 9:30 I was yawning so much we both knew the night was coming to an end.”
“And then he…” Julie prompted.
“He said he’d go sleep in his truck,” Pixie recalled. “But I told him he could take the guest bedroom; that he was safe from me.”
“And by what you’ve told me about his no touch edict, he had to believe you. Because he stayed. And I take it he was? Safe, I mean.”
Pixie grumbled. “Yeah. I’m not that bold. You know me. Even if I had dared to make some kind of move, he would have freaked out, so of course I didn’t.”
“Damn, girl,” Julie huffed. “It figures. The first time you’re interested in a guy in years, and it turns out he’s—” She put on the brakes. “Wait a minute.”
“No. He’s not gay,” Pixie butt in. “I know, because I actually asked Tallie.”
“Uh, uh. That’s not what I was going to say, Pix. I’m actually going to go all couch-therapist on your ass. Have you ever considered that maybe Doug’s standoffishness is why you’re attracted to him in the first place? Maybe part of you realizes, down deep, that he isn’t ever going to be a physical challenge. In any way.” She sat back and crossed her arms over her chest. “Girl, it sounds to me like you’re sabotaging yourself on purpose by picking a guy who has issues with intimacy.”
Pixie blinked, blindsided. “You think? I hadn’t even considered that as a possibility.”
She thought back to the aftermath of the school shooting. Doug had been all tall, dark, and brooding, dealing stoically with the fallout he’d earned for his unsanctioned actions that day. But while placating his superiors, he’d stuck to her side like a magnet.
She frowned. That was all well and fine, but had he given her the least bit of encouragement, as in…male to female? Had he intimated that what he felt for her was anything other than protective?
No.
But had Doug, keeping her at arm’s length that way, made her regard him as someone whowouldn’tmake moves?
Maybe.
Then he’d asked her out on a date, and dammit, by that time, she’d changed her stance. She’d actually hoped his attitude would progress from rescuer to something more…personal, albeit slowly so she could work her head around it.
And that fantasy was clearly all on her.
Because now that she replayed their duo of dates in her head, he hadn’t given heranyindication that he found her physically attractive. Their conversation had been lively, but he’d kept it light, and…shit. He hadn’t talked about himself at all.
She needed to speak her suppositions out loud to Julie, so she could sort it out in her head.
“Idon’tthink I picked him because he’s safe, Julie,” Pixie began. “Pretty early on I was kind of…fantasizing about him. But I’m not sure, even now, that I know enough about him to make any kind of determination. When we were together, he talked a little about his aunt and uncle, his cousin Dieter, and his friends Cisco and Kyle. But he deflected anything deeper, and always turned the tables. He asked a lot of questions aboutmypast, notonce giving me any real information about himself. And he never once touched me.”
“Well that all sucks, Pix,” Julie responded.
“Yeah. I know.” Pixie chewed her lip. “It wasn’t until last night that he told me he’d spent four years with his less-than-motherly mom. That he was subsequently taken out of her house and placed with his aunt and uncle for…some reason he didn’t reveal.”
“There’s a red-flag there,” Julie told her with regret in her voice. “It sounds like Doug might have been subjected to either neglect or abuse at the hands of his mother. Maybe she beat him, and that’s why he doesn’t like to be touched.”
“That’s what I kind of assumed,” Pixie admitted. “But he didn’t say anything like that. He told me his big issue is trust. That he’s never wanted to get close to any woman, because he feels like he could be betrayed in some way. I assume he has a lot of one-night stands where he doesn’t have to reveal any of himself.”
“Pixie,” Julie said seriously, her coffee forgotten. “Do you want my honest opinion?”
“You know I do.” Pixie clenched her right hand in her lap.
“I think you should let this one go. Like…not even let him in as a friend. It sounds like the man is trouble, and if you get too attached, you’re going to start expecting more from him. More than he’s able to give.” She brightened, although it was forced and fake as hell. “Listen. Why don’t you just consider him a stepping stone? He’s awakened your libido, and now that you know that part of you isn’t dead, you can go out and search for someone who can do something positive with it?”
