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“Nope. Watching how you interact with Pixie, I can see that you’re moving forward on your own. Fairly rapidly too, I have to say. You’re touching her, Doug. And there’s not a part of you that’s recoiling from it. Tell me if I’m out of line, but I have to ask. Have you kissed her yet?”
Doug heaved out a breath and ran fingers back through his hair. “I don’t know if I’d call it a kiss, but I gave her a little…brush on the lips.”
“See?” Will responded excitedly. “You’re actually taking steps.Babysteps for sure, but you are definitely headed in the right direction. The change I see in you when you interact with her is astonishing.”
“I agree,” Doug allowed. “And that’s all good, but… How long will it take for me to kiss her for real? And that’s not the only thing preying on my mind. How freaked out do you think I’ll get if we finally move on to…other things, and myequipment doesn’t respond? I know you think everything will work eventually, but that’s a huge concern of mine, and I don’t want a…malfunctioning prowess to derail things. In short, Will, I’m scared.”
“Of course you are, Doug. You’re contemplating an act that impacted your childhood so profoundly—"
“No, Will. I don’t think you understand. For sure, I’m damned anxious about all the physical stuff, but what scares me most is… What if my recovery takes too long and Pixie walks away? It would take an extraordinary woman to stick around for a man who can’t perform.”
“It’s a good thing Pixie’s extraordinary then, isn’t it,” Will replied with a smile.
“Shit, Will. She is. And that’s why I’m tied up in knots inside. I’m growing to…like her so much, I don’t know if I’d be able to survive her walking away.” Had the word “love” been on the tip of his tongue?Impossible.
Will nodded sagely. “You know what I think? I think you have a very healthy take on your situation, Doug. And since you’ve clarified exactly what needs to be dealt with, I’ve changed my mind. Mushrooms it is. Tomorrow. My office.”
CHAPTER TWENTY-FIVE
Doug fidgeted on the couch. He’d never been on it during any of his sessions, and it felt damned strange and uncomfortable to be prone.
“Relax.” Will’s even voice urged him to settle.
“Easy for you to say,” Doug scoffed. “It’s not you who are about to go on some psychedelic trip.”
“I’ve experienced it,” Will revealed serenely, as he held up a small vial and eyeballed it with appreciation.
“You have?” Doug asked, also staring at the liquid Will swirled around.
“Uh, huh. When you study for certification, you’re required to undergo at least one treatment so you know what a client might eventually experience.”
Did that calm Doug down? Not in the least. He wasn’t certain, but he was pretty sure Will didn’t have any deep dark past he was avoiding; no three-headed specter from hell creeping out to bite him while he was…what? Tripping?
Unease once again leapt into Doug’s gut, making him slightly nauseous. He needed distraction.
“Whatisthat stuff?” Doug attempted to focus his attention on the small tube in Will’s hand.
“Thatis your psilocybin.”
“Wait. What? I thought… Aren’t I supposed to eat some disgusting mushroom?”
Will laughed. “You could, but this is faster and easier, and doesn’t taste like the inside of an old gym sock.”
A sharp snort escaped from Doug. “Nice visual. So…?” he pointed.
“The same thing as a mushroom, except in tincture form. It’s easier to swallow, and it goes to work quicker. This will take roughly twenty minutes versus an hour or more with the mushrooms.” Will held the vial in his direction.
Doug reached out a tentative hand that he noticed was shaking, and quickly drew it back. “Shit, Will. I’m not sure I can do this.”
“It’s up to you, Doug,” Will soothed. “As I noted last night, you’re doing really well on your own without psychedelics. Which means we can continue with our regular therapy sessions and see if you progress at a rate that’s acceptable to you, or we can try to accelerate things with this.” He twirled the vial again.
“Fine. Gimme.” Doug wiggled his fingers toward the container, then wrapped them around it. “Just…chug?” he asked.
“Yup,” Will answered. “Then we’ll start talking. Like it’s a regular session. Until you start to show signs that it’s kicking in, at which point I’ll be more of a guide.”
“What if I freak out?”
Will leaned forward, his face growing serious. “Don’t worry. I’m trained to help you with this, Doug. And I’m not saying there might not be some rough patches over the next few hours. But sometimes shit has to hit the fan in order to be overcome.”
