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Griff groaned. “Jesus, Scott, I worry about you sometimes.”
“Me?” I was the one with money saved up while he was just starting again. Why would he worry about me?
“You’re too trusting. You don’t tell anyone you have a nest egg saved up. No telling who has an ulterior motive.”
“I trust you.”
“Why?”
“I…” Didn’t have a suitable answer. I shrugged. “You’ve never lied to me, and you’ve been straightforward with me from day one. That’s more than I can say about myself. I still can’t believe you caught me in a lie.”
“Not so much a lie. You’re definitely the insatiable guy you mentioned in those letters. Besides, your intentions were good. Isn’t that the most important thing?”
19
SCOTTIE
The server returned with our food—bruschetta with tomato and basil, chicken Alfredo, and sautéed mushrooms. Griff dug into his meal, and the sounds of pleasure he made went straight to my dick.
We barely spoke, but the silence between us was comfortable as we devoured our meal. If not for the lingering doubt over how we’d parted the last time, I would have enjoyed myself. I kept waiting for him to bring up my ex or me pushing him away that night, but whenever he paused from eating, it was to ask me about Jay and my job.
Unable to stand it anymore, I put down my fork and, with it, the pretense I was interested in the food. “Aren’t you going to mention what happened on our date?” I blurted out.
Griff swallowed the morsel in his mouth, then took a long drink from his Coke. “Not unless you want to talk about it.”
“But aren’t you curious?”
“I am, but we’ve got all the time for you to tell me when you’re ready.”
All the time? Then he wasn’t just toying with me to explore his sexuality? He wasn’t sleeping with me because I was a good lay? We’d agreed to sneak around but hadn’t really defined what we were.
“What…do you want with me?” I squared my shoulders and steeled my nerves for the worst. “I know the sex is good, but is there something else?”
“First of all, the sex isn’t just good. It’s fucking unbelievable.”
I probably shouldn’t have felt as proud as I did, but my chest swelled. “Really?”
“You do it for me, Scott. Being inside of you—fuck, it’s a wonder I get anything done during the day. I keep thinking about it, how wild you are when you’re under me.”
So I was right. He was with me because of the sex. I didn’t know whether to feel proud or to cry.
“But being around you is even better than the sex, and that should tell you something.”
Say… what? “You mean…”
“I know it’s complicated as hell with Jay, but I don’t want to stop seeing you. I want to take you out on more dates to make up for the one your asshole ex ruined. By the way, I still want to punch the fucker.”
I laughed at how upset he sounded. This man was fast becoming my safe space. “David was my first mature boyfriend. We met in college when I was in one of his classes, and we flirted for a while. He was intense, very involved in my life, and I thought that meant love.”
“Scottie, you don’t have to go into details if it’s too hard. I can already guess what the bastard was like based on how he reacted that night.”
“No, I need to say it out loud. I’ve never talked about it to anyone but Jay.” I inhaled deeply, then let the breath out. “I was a complete nerd all my life, so I was eager to learn and make up for lost time. When he suggested experimenting in different ways, I was game. I discovered what I loved and what I hated, which was fine, except he never paid attention to my hard limits. Whenever I confronted him, he would gaslight me and make me paranoid. He’d leave me thinking I was the one making things difficult in our relationship.”
“The son of a bitch put his hands on you, didn’t he?” Griff asked softly. “That’s why you react so strongly to any hint of violence, even when it’s deserved.”
I nodded. “At first, it was just a slap here or there whenever I did something that displeased him or when I said no to him. Just one slap. Not a big deal, right? At least that’s what I said to myself, but deep down, I knew it was wrong, so I hid it from Jay. I didn’t want anyone to know. I was so embarrassed that something like that happened to me. The worst part of it all is that sometimes he would slap me for things he made me do or he agreed to. Like having sex with me in front of his friends.” I rubbed my neck, noticed what I was doing, and dropped my hand into my lap. “He slapped me around that night, called me…names. It was like a game he played with me. Giving me a false sense of security that he was okay with me exploring, then shaming me for it.”
“Now I understand your hesitation when we’re together. You think I’ll react the same way he did?”
