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“Why didn’t you say in your last letter that you might get out?”
“Like I’d said, I wanted it to be a surprise.”
I did. At first, I’d kept the appeal from him, not wanting him to get his hopes up. Thoughts of how Scottie would react when he saw me in the flesh had consumed me.
He’d never come to the prison to meet me in person, always making some excuse for not being able to. Now I knew why.
“I wasn’t completely truthful about Jay’s life,” he said. “He isn’t in medical school. He dropped out of college during his second year of his nursing program. Said it didn’t feel right and he wanted to find himself. He’s been a bit of a free spirit since.”
“Free spirit? What does that mean exactly?”
Shit. This wasn’t going exactly the way I’d thought. The lies Scottie had told me had let me believe that my kid hadn’t turned out to be a screwup like his dad. I’d been proud when I learned he was studying to become a doctor.
“He bounces around jobs. Don’t get me wrong. He’s a great guy. The absolute best. Why, when my ex hit…” He sucked in a deep breath. “Anyway, he’s great.”
“No, wait, you were saying something about your ex?”
“It’s not important. Just that Jay has been there for me, and I want to be there for him, so please let me do this right.”
“Fine.” I sighed and downed the rest of my beer. “But I’m only giving you a week to tell him. I’ve missed too much of his life already.”
“I guess I better find a new apartment.”
“What do you mean?”
“I’ve been living with Jay for over a year, but I’m sure he’ll ask me to leave when he finds out what I did. He has two rules—never to mention you or touch the letters you send him.”
I winced, the hole in my heart that had closed up with each of Scottie’s letters now widening again. What if Jay didn’t come around and insisted he wanted nothing to do with me? I’d survived prison for this moment of making things right with my son, but was that even possible?
“I’m sure he’ll come around.” Scottie slipped his hand from beneath mine, but instead of pulling it away, he laid his hand over mine. He gently caressed my skin absentmindedly. “It’s one thing for him to reject your letters. Those were easy to write, but when he sees you in person, he’ll realize how serious you are about reconciling.”
Scottie smiled, lips parting to reveal his teeth. He was breathtakingly beautiful when he smiled like that.
Beautiful?
Since when did I consider other men beautiful?
Yet something about him unsettled me like nothing had in a long time. We had seven years of history between us.
Scottie’s eyes clashed with mine, and he stopped brushing the back of my hand. His smile dropped, and he clamped his lips together as if he realized he’d shown me his braces. He snatched his hand away too and fiddled with his scarf.
“I should go.”
“Already? You just got here.”
“I-is there something else you wanted to talk about?”
“I thought we could catch up.”
“I really wish I could, but I can’t.”
No explanation at all. Was he still afraid of me? If he was, he wouldn’t have come tonight, would he?
“You’ll let me know how things are going with Jay?”
He nodded and hopped down from the bar stool. “Sure thing.”
“And you’re sure you can’t stay for another drink?” I needed more time to figure him out.
