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"Let me handle this, Sparrow. You cooked."
"I've got it, Gideon."
"You aren't my maid, baby. If I'm going to be staying here, I'm going to do my share."
"You aren't here as a guest. You're here as my bodyguard," I remind him. "I think you're doing plenty already."
He sighs and then bends slightly. Half a second later, I'm in his arms. I squeak, shock coursing through me.
"Put me down!"
"Gladly." He sits me in a chair at the table, smirking. "You can sit right there and watch me do the dishes."
"You can't do that!"
"What? The dishes?"
"I…you…Argh!" I splutter, not sure if I want to kiss him or kill him.
He chuckles, strolling back to the sink as if he isn't the most infuriating man in the world. Just so we're clear, he absolutely is. Infuriating. Hot. And way too good at unraveling me and my composure.
I glare at the back of his head while he rolls up his sleeves and starts working on the dishes, humming to himself. And then I realize what he's humming.
"That's my song."
"Is it?" The smile in his voice makes my stomach flutter. "Interesting."
Interesting? What does that mean?
"Did you write it?"
"I write all of my songs."
"What's it about?"
"My dad," I say softly. "He died two years ago."
Gideon turns slowly to look at me. "Damn, Sparrow. I'm sorry."
"Me too." I frown sadly. "Um, he and my mom got married right out of high school. They were madly in love right up until the day he died. She's really struggled since losing him. We all have, but it's been worse for her. She's had to learn how to be okay on her own when she's never been on her own. She always had him."
"Is that why you're so afraid to fall in love?"
"Who said I'm afraid of love, Gideon?"
He washes another plate and places it on the rack before answering. "It's written all over your face. When I kissed you today, you panicked. You're afraid to let yourself go there because you're afraid you'll fall."
"I am not."
"You are," he says quietly. "I think you're terrified of giving up control, Sparrow. When you love someone, you have something to lose. You're terrified of giving anyone the power to break your heart like your dad did when he died."
"Who says I'd fall for you, Gideon?" I retort, my chest heavy with the weight of his words. He's not wrong, damn him. I am terrified of giving anyone that power. I've seen what it's done to my mom. I don't want to wake up one day in the same place she's in now.
I'm not afraid of love.
It's losing it that scares the crap out of me.
So I focus on my career and music, and pretend that it's enough to fill the hole in my heart. It isn't. But the alternative? Risking a lifetime of grief when it all falls apart? That's not a risk I'm brave enough to take.
