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"Oh, you look beautiful!" she cries, rushing forward to hug me.
I squeeze her tight, grateful she and Kane are here. I always feel better when they're in the audience. I'm nervous tonight. The place is loud and crowded, and Gideon's here. He's never seen me perform before. What will he think?
"You look beautiful too," I tell Maya. It's nothing but the truth. My sister-in-law is gorgeous. Ever since she found out that she's pregnant, she's been glowing. I've never seen her or my brother so happy before. I love that for them.
In a way, I'm envious. Our dad's death didn't affect Kane like it did me. It didn't stop him in his tracks or make him gun-shy. He threw his whole soul into loving Maya and did it without a single reservation or fear. In his eyes, losing her simply isn't an option so it isn't a consideration. I wish I had his confidence.
Because the longer I spend with Gideon, the more I ache for what they have. But aching and reaching are two totally different things. Am I brave enough to reach when I could end up shattered on the floor? If anyone has to power to break me, I think it might be my bodyguard. And that's a terrifying thought when I've only known him for such a short time.
It feels longer. It feels like a lifetime.
"John is here, so I won't stay long," Maya says, pulling back. "Kane and your bodyguard are both grumbling about him. I figure I should probably run interference out there for you."
"Great." I drop my head, groaning. "I swear, I'm going to strangle both of them if he quits because they're crazy people."
"I don't think he's going to quit, Kenna. He likes you too much."
"Not you, too," I say, peeking up at her.
She shrugs, smiling at me. "As far as you're concerned, he's just your manager. That takes seeing him in any other light completely off the table. You expect it to be the same for him, so you don't see what we see. But that man watches you like he's obsessed."
"He watches me?"
Maya nods. "All the time."
It's easy to discount what my brother and Gideon have to say about John because Kane is overprotective, and Gideon wants to sleep with me. They'd say the same thing about any man in his position. Kane has said the same thing about every man in John's position. But Maya is a different story. She hasn't been overprotective my entire life. We only met a few months ago. She has no reason to see things that simply aren't there. If she's seeing it too, maybe I'm the one who's missing it.
I'm not sure how I feel about that, but I think I have to accept that maybe my judgment of John isn't the best here. Maybe Kane and Gideon are right about him. I'm not sure what it means that he watches me, but my mind can't help but drift to the poem and the more insidious context of the phrase.
No. John wouldn't do this. He's been nothing but supportive since I hired him. He got me the record deal. He's booked every show. He's been my biggest ally. He stands to gain nothing from destroying me and my career. Absolutely nothing.
Maybe he does have a thing for me. That doesn't make him guilty, and it doesn't make him a monster. I won't condemn him based on unrequited feelings that he's never once mentioned or acted on. He's never crossed a line, been inappropriate, or even hinted that he's attracted to me.
Gideon pokes his head into the room, his gaze landing on me and Maya.
"I'm going to get back out there before my husband tries to fire your manager," Maya murmurs, hugging me again. "Break a leg tonight. Love you."
"Love you too. Thank you."
She blows me a kiss, grins at Gideon, and then slips out of the room.
"You okay, Sparrow?" Gideon asks, leaning up against the wall across from me. "You look anxious."
"I'm fine. Just nervous." I turn back to the mirror to check my makeup. My eyes are dark and smoky, and my ruby-red lips are stained to perfection. It gets hot on stage, so I've got half of my pinned up off my neck. The other half is curled My outfit is a pair of short shorts with rhinestones all over them, a black t-shirt, a biker jacket, and a pair of cowboy boots. I think I look good. I do look anxious, though.
"You're going to kill it, Sparrow. They're all excited out there."
"I'm not nervous about them, Gideon."
He meets my gaze in the mirror, holding it. "I already think you sing like a fucking angel, Kenna. You have nothing to prove to me. All I want for you is for you to get up there and have fun tonight."
My heart flutters, little pieces of it falling into his hands. Does he have any idea how easy he hard he makes it not to fall for him? If I had a perfect guy, it'd be him. Hands down, it'd be him.
He pushes away from the wall, striding across the small dressing room toward me. I don't turn to meet him. I wait for him to step up behind me and lean back against him. His hand slides down the side of my face, curling around my throat as he tips my head back.
Our eyes meet in reality this time instead of in the mirror. His burn with that intensity that's so much a part of him. "I'm going to be jealous as hell the whole time you're up there, Sparrow," he says.
"Why?"
