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After the doctor leaves the room, Ana and I sit on the couch while her parents pull chairs up on either side of her bed. “Sweetie, how are you doing? I’m sure you are just completely overwhelmed,” Helen says as she holds Mads’ hand.
With her eyes closed and her head back against the pillow, she says, “Yes mom. I apparently forgot half of my life so I’m not doing too good.” Her tone is terse and dripping with sarcasm.
Her mom looks taken back for a moment before she composes herself. Mads never speaks like that to her mom. Ana looks at me with wide eyes, and I return the look subtlety.
“I’m sorry, that was rude. I’m just…I don’t understand…I can’t—” Mads starts sadly. Her mom shushes her with tenderness.
“Sweetheart, don’t worry. You have a pass to be a bitch if you want.”
“Mom!” Mads exclaims, her eyes open wide in disbelief. We all chuckle.
“I think that’s the first time I’ve ever heard you curse, Helen,” I joke. They laugh and Helen jokingly waves her small fist at me. Mads watches the interaction with narrowed eyes before turning her gaze towards me.
“So, you know my parents?” Mads asks pointedly. Everybody stops laughing. I hold her gaze, but I’m unsure of how to respond.
“Of course, we know him, honey,” Matthew says as he softly pats his daughter’s leg. “You’ve been together for so long.”
“Yeah, that’s what I’ve heard,” She says dryly. “Ana told me that I’ve been to college, and I married the boy I hate.”
I suck in a breath and clench my teeth together to try and hold my composure. It feels like someone punched me in the gut.
Mads has her eyes closed but her parents and Ana look at me in horror. They can’t find the words to say either. I take a breath, trying to hold my breaking heart together and reassure myself that she needs time to heal. Ana reaches over to grasp my arm and squeeze it lightly. I smile tightly in thanks before pulling my arms to cross my chest.
“What’s the last thing you remember?” I ask her lightly. She looks at me, nervously and then quickly looks away. She looks at me as though I am a stranger and not the person that knows her the most in the world. Her expression tells me she doesn’t know who I am to her. She doesn’t know how much I love her.
“I don’t know, I can’t remember,” She says quietly and shuts her eyes. “My head hurts.”
“That’s okay, just take it easy. You should probably try to get some rest,” I say as I scoot to the end of the couch, just to be a little closer to her. She nods, keeping her eyes closed.
“Do you want us to leave you alone for a little while, hun?” Helen asks as she brushes her fingers across Mads’ cheek.
“Maybe just for a little while,” She says in a small voice.
“Of course. We’ll be right out in the waiting room. We’ll check on you in a little bit,” Matthew says, before he stands up and leans down to gently kiss her head. Her mom does the same before following him out the door.
Ana reaches to stroke her face softly and says, “Love you, pollito”.
Every part of me aches to touch her, hold her, kiss her. It takes all of my strength and willpower to walk in the opposite direction from her when everything in me screams to be closer to her.
“We’ll be back later, Mads,” I say in what I hope is a strong voice. I try to hold it together so that it won’t make it harder on her.
She doesn’t respond.
Once we are in the waiting room, I drop into a chair and let out a panic-filled and frustrated breath. I put my head in my hands. I am vaguely aware of the others sitting down next to me. The clean smell of the hospital is somehow making me nauseous and my head spins.
“Elliot, it’s going to be okay. Don’t freak out yet,” Ana says as she pats my arm.
“Yet,” I mumble into my hands.
“Son, it may take her some time to feel like herself again.”
It’s going to take time.
Don’t worry.
It’s going to be okay.
I feel like those are the only words being said, over and over. They are starting to lose their meaning.
