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“No problem. How do you take it?” She asks innocently and my heart cracks open a little bit.
“Just black,” I say quietly, trying to keep my smile genuine.
She chuckles at my answer, which makes me confused. I remember her doing that the first time I told her how I took my coffee back at her college apartment.
She notices me looking at her quizzically. “What?” She asks nervously as she puts a top on the travel mug.
“Nothing. You just reminded me of something from a while ago,” I answer.
“What?” She asks again, looking self-conscious.
“Nothing bad. I just remembered…that the first time I ever told you I liked my coffee black, you laughed quietly. And you just did it again,” I smile tightly. “What made you laugh?”
Her eyes go wide, and she looks afraid. “Nothing.” Her expression makes me uneasy.
“You sure? You can tell me anything, I won’t be upset or offended,” I press.
She looks down for a few minutes. She finally says quietly, “I thought, ‘you would like your coffee black, just like your soul’.”
There is an awkward silence for a few seconds before I genuinely laugh, and she looks up. “I bet that’s exactly what you thought the first time we had coffee together too. That’s funny. I deserved it.” She looks honestly relieved as she gives me a timid smile.
“So, where do you work?” She asks while sipping her coffee. Her beautiful green eyes meet mine, waiting for an answer.
“I’m a social worker for children and families at the local community center. I specialize in emergency cases,” I finally answer, wishing she remembered how much she guided me in this direction and how much she helped to shape my present.
She looks surprised. “Wow, that’s incredible. I would love to hear more about that,” She smiles, which makes me smile really big.
“I can tell you about it later today,” I offer. She nods shyly and looks back down at her coffee. “I’ll see you a little after lunch, I’m only working half a day.”
She nods again, not looking at me though.
“Please call me if you need anything. My number is saved in your phone. The number for the center I work for is also here on the fridge if you need to reach me.” I point at the magnet with my company name and information. I linger by the doorway before turning to leave.
“Have a good day,” She calls after me, which tugs on my heart a little bit.
I smile and call back, “Thank you, you too, Mads.”
It’s been weeks since I’ve been in the office, since the day of the accident, so it is pretty chaotic and hectic. If I’m not getting caught up with endless piles of paperwork, I am being bombarded with my co-workers asking about how Madeline is doing.
“Hey Elliot,” Brian—from Human Resources—says as he raps his knuckles against my door frame.
I look up from my computer screen to the older gentleman. His weathered face is pulled into a sympathetic smile. “Hey, Brian. Good to see you,” I say to him, offering my own forced smile to almost match his.
“We’ve been thinking about you and Madeline, we’re here for you, no matter what it is that you need,” He tells me seriously. I feel my forced smile melt into one of appreciation.
“Thank you. I really appreciate that.”
“She’s still the same then?” He asks cautiously. She still doesn’t remember your marriage? Is what I’m sure he wants to ask.
“No change, yet,” I say resigned. While I appreciate my staff and the people I work with, I just don’t have it in me to make this small talk.
While I appreciate his and everyone else’s concern for Mads’ well-being, every time I have to repeat our situation makes the wound open a little more. Brian gives me another smile before he leaves. I stare at the empty doorway before looking back down at my computer screen.
I get most of my paperwork done in the morning and meet with some clients over the lunch hours. I could’ve used the extra few hours in the afternoon, but I want to get home. I know Ana left around noon. She’s been texting me updates throughout the day.
I feel nervous as I pull into our driveway and shut off the car, sitting there for a few minutes. This will be our first real alone time for an extended amount of time. I am worried about making her more uncomfortable around me.
I unlock the door and slowly open it. The house is quiet. “Mads?” No answer.
