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I press a small kiss to his throat.
He continues, “She kept seeing him. After they graduated, they moved in together. She got pregnant with me soon after, my dad was already an abusive alcoholic and mom was addicted to heroin before my first birthday. The only time that they brought me to see my grandmother was to ask for money. So, I never really got to know her.”
“Did she ever try to get custody of you?” I ask.
“She did, actually. But my mother was able to pass all of the visits from social workers. She was great at lying, pretending. The social workers must have known that something was up though, but they didn’t care enough to do more. It’s a broken system,” He says quietly. “She was also really good at hiding the abuse we suffered from my father. When he went to jail, she moved us away and didn’t tell anyone, including my grandmother.”
“I’m so sorry,” I whisper against his chest. He tightens his grip on me. His silence tells me he doesn’t want to talk about this anymore. I push up on my arms to prop myself up on his chest. “Guess what?”
“What?” He asks quietly, somewhat apprehensively.
“I love you,” I smile. His eyes close for a moment before his face breaks into a huge grin. He pulls me down to him and kisses me.
I get lost in the moment, as I always do with him. Each night we spend together I want to take those next steps but I just don’t know how to say it, and the nerves hold me back. He runs his hands through my hair while his tongue lightly explores my mouth. I reach up to take his hand and slowly lower it towards my chest.
He stops kissing me suddenly, pulling back slightly to look at my face. “Mads,” He breathes.
“Touch me,” I plead. He looks nervous, but I can see his eyes grow dark and his chest rising and falling as he breathes heavy.
“Are you sure?” He whispers. I smile at him, suddenly confident.
“Is it weird to do this in your grandmother's house?” I joke.
“Oh God, please don’t remind me of that right now,” He groans. I laugh quietly. I keep moving his hand down lower and lower and he lets me, never breaking eye contact.
“Are you sure?” He asked again.
“Yes,” I say, assuredly. He looks at me for several long beats before opening his mouth to speak.
“Tell me if you get uncomfortable, or if you want to stop. Please,” He says, leaning closer to me. I meet him halfway and kiss him, and I lose myself in these new feelings and explorations with him.
When I finally open my eyes the next morning, I find him already awake and watching me. My brows furrow. “Creep,” I mumble, my voice raspy with sleep.
He barely cracks a smile, his face lined with worry. “Are you okay?” He asks gently.
At his words, I remember last night. I remember him being so sweet and attentive. I remember feeling so good, in a way I had never experienced before. We didn’t go all the way. But after last night, part of me is screaming that I am definitely ready for that…
Madeline, calm down. You’re in his grandmother's home. That thought is sobering enough.
“I feel so good,” I smile, and he lets out a small breath. Closing his eyes, he leans forward to touch his forehead to mine. “I didn’t think it was possible to feel closer to you, but I do.”
“I feel the same,” He breathes, moving to kiss me lightly before pulling away.
“You feel okay?” He whispers. Looking deep into my eyes.
“I feel like I want to do that again,” I whisper back. His mouth parts slightly and his eyes widen before he quickly jumps out of bed. I sit up.
“What?” I say with a knowing smile.
“You’re going to kill me, Mads,” He mutters. Before he leaves the room to take a shower, he glances back to smirk at me. “I love you,” He says.
“I love you more,” I say sweetly back to him.
He scoffs. “No way.” He leaves before I can say anything else.
I grab my phone to text Ana.
We have breakfast with Julia before her nurse comes for the day. I hug her as we are leaving. I feel her body tense, as if she wasn’t expecting it. But she lets it happen, and I tell her goodbye. I am waiting for Elliot by the front door and I hear her say to him, “She is incredible.” He responds with, “I know.” I try to hide my blushing smile but fail miserably.
