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Conversations with him come incredibly easy. Whether we are getting coffee, walking to class together, studying together, or going out on dates, the words flow as we get to know each other. It feels comfortable.
I had one semi-serious boyfriend in high school—Will. We had been friends since freshman year and I always had a tiny crush on him. At the beginning of senior year, he asked me if I wanted to go on a date with him, and I instantly said yes. I quickly learned that his companionship in a romantic setting was nice, but there were never any sparks. We enjoyed each other’s company, but it never felt like it was supposed to be anything more than friendship. We dated most of our senior year, but in the spring, he broke up with me suddenly, brutally, and out of nowhere. I still blame Decker for that. Even though I knew what Will and I had wasn’t a love connection, that whole fiasco hurt a lot.
But Lucas feels a little different. I don’t know if my excitement towards him is because he is new to me and not a kid I grew up with in Penbrooke. I don’t have memories of him in his awkward stages of life like I do with every other guy I went to school with. Or maybe I am just physically attracted to him. He is very handsome, but he is kind too. I notice him opening doors for people, letting an older man have his seat as we wait for a table reservation at a restaurant. He’s a good man. While I initially didn’t want to get into a relationship so soon into my freshman year of college, I want to give this a chance. It feels like this is the road I need to take, the step I need to take, even if I don’t know where it will lead.
This morning, I bump into Lucas at the library, and he walks with me to my next class. He is the textbook definition of charming. His dirty blonde hair is cropped fairly close to his head, longer on top and shorter on the sides. He mostly wears polos or pullover sweaters with jeans or khakis. He is telling me about a lively debate that broke out in one of his classes when I see Decker standing against the wall outside of our class.
He is glowering in our direction. This isn’t the ‘Madeline Hart’ glare he had perfected over the years; this one is different. Angrier. Lucas must have noticed him at the same time I did because he stops talking. He slows his walk and asks, “Do you know him?”
I sigh. “Unfortunately. We went to high school together. He hates me. Just ignore him.” I try to play it off like it’s nothing, but my stomach turns at the crazy and confusing emotions that are radiating off of Decker. He looks beyond pissed.
“I don’t think he hates you,” Lucas says pointedly. My eyes dart to his questioningly but his eyes are still focused and narrowed on Decker.
“No, he really does,” I insist. “But it doesn’t bother me anymore. Truly.” I smile tightly at him. He doesn’t look reassured. But I grab his arm and turn him to face me. “Are you able to have dinner tomorrow?”
My words do the trick to pull him away from any doubts or questions that are forming in his mind. He smiles sweetly and agrees to dinner, then leans in and gives me a tiny, sweet peck on the lips. I smile and say goodbye. Tugging on the straps of my backpack, I turn to walk towards my class again and my smile vanishes completely when I get closer to Decker whose dark glare is still shooting daggers at me.
I take a deep breath and try to avoid eye contact. I don’t know why I feel timid and uncomfortable. I didn’t do anything wrong! I try to remind my rapidly beating heart of this truth as I walk past him towards the door. I hear his deep voice say, “That was fast.” I stop dead in my tracks, turning slowly with disbelief on my face.
“Excuse me?” I demand as anger burns in my chest.
“I said, ‘that was fast’,” He grits through his teeth while walking towards me, stopping when he is right in front of me. His dark and broody eyes look into mine with so much heat.
“What the hell is your problem?” My control snaps and my hands start shaking with the fear and anxiety I feel in this unexpected confrontation. I grab the straps of my backpack again to try and steady them. But I can barely control my rising anger. I never get angry like this. Never. The only other time I got this angry was the spring of senior year. I wait for him to say something but when he doesn’t, I continue, “Are you insinuating that I’m a whore?”
His eyes widen slightly and his jaw clenches as he grinds his teeth together. “I would never think or say that.” His eyes blaze even more intensely.
“Then what was the purpose of that comment?” I snap. My face feels hot under the gaze of his scrutiny.
He doesn’t say anything, instead he just glares at me. I glare back. Even standing a foot apart, he towers over me and I have to look up to see his eyes. I can see his chest rising and falling and the veins in his neck are obvious under the black hoodie he wears.
“Nothing,” He finally spits out as he turns to walk into the classroom. I ground my teeth together and stay in place for a few more seconds. I try to take a deep breath to calm myself down.
Did that really just happen?
As I am about to walk into my class, I see Lucas standing a distance away, watching me with a pinched and almost annoyed look on his face. I quickly force a smile on my face and wave. He hesitantly raises a hand and waves back before continuing to walk away.
I start to run a hand through my hair before remembering I had styled it and bring my hand back down. Instead I press my pointer and middle fingers to my temples and rub them hard. Grumbling curses directed towards Decker under my breath, I walk into the class and sit as far away as possible from him. Even though that means I’m sitting in the back of the classroom.
“And then he just said, ‘nothing’ and walked away!” I exclaim as I angry-clean the kitchen after dinner. “Can you even believe that, Ana? Can you even believe that? I mean the absolute nerve of that…man-child.”
Ana continues listening even as she works on her laptop at the kitchen bar. “That’s—”
“Just completely uncalled for. Completely out of nowhere. I mean he is only ever cold and rude towards me, but then he randomly has these moments of…of extra intentional meanness! Like he sometimes just seeks me out to purposefully be meaner!”
“I think—” Ana starts to say, her eyes following me around the kitchen and her hands hovering over her keyboard.
“He better not have ruined things with Lucas. Ana, I swear to God, if he ruined this thing that I have going with Lucas…I’m going to officially lose it. I’ll lose my mind! I swear I will.” I scrub viciously at the counter with the rag.
“Maddie,” Ana snaps. “Try to calm down. Stop wiping the counter, it’s been clean for like ten minutes now.” Ana reaches over the bar counter and grabs the towel out of my hand. I take a deep breath and let it out very slowly and dramatically.
“I’m sorry. You’re right, I’m letting him get to me,” I sigh. I put the cleaning spray back in the cabinet and then grab my tumbler full of water, taking a long sip.
“No, you have every right to be annoyed. He was out of line and inappropriate.”
“I KNOW—” I shout, with every intention of going off again.
“Hold on!” She yells back and cuts me off. “You have every right to be annoyed, but get it out here. Try to leave it here, and be the bigger person when you see him again.” Ana always knows what to say.
