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NOW, WINTER
I finish checking out at the grocery store. I’m putting my wallet back into my bag and about to push my cart away when I hear, “Ana!”
I look up and see David holding a few bags, also on his way to the door. My stomach lurches. “Hey, David.” I smile at him.
“How have you been?”
It’s only been about a week since the fundraiser.
“Good, just got back from a weekend at home with my family. So I’m still recovering from that,” I joke.
He laughs and says, “Yeah I always feel like I need a vacation after spending too much time with my family.”
I smile again. It gets quiet and we both don’t know exactly what to do. We end up just walking towards the exit and into the parking lot.
“Well…” he starts to say, and I know he’s about to say goodbye.
But before I can talk myself out of it, I blurt out, “Do you want to grab coffee? Or something?”
His eyes flash and he does a terrible job of hiding his elation. “Yeah, I would love that.”
Just coffee. Just friends. Just coffee. Just friends. I keep chanting that over and over to settle my racing heart. But then I hear that other voice, Be happy.
I take a deep breath. “There’s a good shop around the corner, I think it’s called ‘Jack’s’. Meet you there?”
He nods, smiling, “Yeah, I’ll be right there.” He all but runs to his car. For his size, he’s quite graceful. I wonder if that’s from playing soccer. I realize that I’ve watched him walk all the way to his car so I snap my eyes away and focus on getting to my own car.
We order our coffees and find a table in the corner of the shop. It’s a cute place with random mismatched bookcases and shelves covering every space with books of all colors and sizes placed neatly on the surfaces. The rule is that you can take a book but you have to leave one. Maddie comes here all the time to work or read, or sometimes just to pick out a book and leave one behind.
“How are your students? Any more attempts to speak to you in Spanish?” I ask, trying to start a conversation.
“No, thank God.” He laughs. “The kids are great though. There are a few challenging ones, but overall it’s been a good year.” I nod my head. He continues, “How’s work?”
“Good. I’m settling into my promotion, feeling good about the new workload and upcoming projects.”
“That’s awesome.” He smiles.
I take a sip of my coffee. It’s so hot that it burns my tongue but I try not to react in any way and suffer in painful silence. He offers me one of the two muffins he bought, but I politely decline it. He places it back in the little bag and takes a bite of the other.
We sit in silence, both of us probably trying to find ways to fill it but unsure of how to.
“So you were with your family this weekend?” he finally asks.
“Oh my God. Yes,” I groan, setting my cup down and putting my face in my hands. “My little sister isn’t talking to any of us now.”
“Oh no, what happened?”
“Well you should have seen this guy that she brought home. David, oh my God, it was like if Tim Burton and My Chemical Romance had a love child.”
His eyes widen. “I can’t even picture that.”
“His name was Flame,” I say, waiting for his reaction.
“Flame?” he asks carefully, disbelieving.
“Flame,” I confirm with a laugh.
I proceed to tell him all about that conversation and how José and I reacted. He laughs out loud several times and I can’t help but think that he and Sé would probably get along so well. Again, without even realizing it, our conversation begins to flow effortlessly. The tightening feeling I keep getting in my gut loosens and is replaced by something else. Something I haven’t felt in a long time. I feel my brain trying to shut it down, trying to shove it down and lock it up tight, but there is a different part of me that is trying to hold on to it. A part that longs for conversation and connection, that is so tired of being lonely and empty, and longs to be held and put back together.
