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I run to him and hug him. He lifts me up a bit and then places me down, kissing me deeply before pulling away and touching his forehead to mine.
“Look at us. Already crushing it,” he says. I give one back to him.
“Any word from your places?” I ask him, extracting myself from his arms to sit in the chair beside the one he was occupying as he sits back down.
“Not yet, but it’s still so early,” he says.
“Yes, it really is. I can’t believe I already got a response from them. It’s barely October,” I say. I pull my phone out to text my family the good news.
Madeline and Elliot walk in then, laughing about something. I waste no time, “Maddie, I got an offer from Valley!”
Her mouth parts wide and she smiles. “What,” she screams and runs over to me, almost tackling me to the floor before I’m able to catch us. She lands in my lap, hugging me tightly to her.
“Madeline again with the murder attempts,” Hayden jokes. Without letting go of our hug, Maddie starts kicking in the direction of Hayden until she makes contact with his leg and kicks him hard. He yells in pain.
“It wasn’t that hard, you big baby,” she mumbles, still holding on to me.
“Elliot, can you control your woman?” Hayden jokes again.
“Couldn’t even if I wanted to,” he says, his deep tone laced with amusement. Affection. As it always is when he talks to or about Madeline. I’m freed from Maddie's suffocating embrace and she gets up to walk to our little kitchen.
“This calls for celebration,” she cheers, opening the fridge.
“No drinks,” Hayden and I yell together. She pauses but keeps her hand on the door as she looks at us.
“We have wine, I was just getting a little bit of wine for us.” She glares. Elliot walks over to her, caresses her face and reaches around her to pull the wine out of the fridge.
“That’s a great idea, Mads,” he says.
She smiles, “At least someone loves me.” I roll my eyes and laugh. She pours little shots of wine for us and I reign in my amusement at her, my affection and love for her overpowering the desire to tell her that she’s ridiculous. She gives us normal sized cups with a shots worth of liquid in each one. We all take them, smiling.
“To Ana, for already crushing it,” Maddie says, lifting her cup.
We all lift our cups to join hers, Hayden and Elliot say together, “To Ana!” I laugh as we all messily clink our cups together then drink our sip of wine.
FORTY-FIVE
NOW, SPRING
David: I’m going on a hike today, do you want to come?
Ana: Do I look like the kind of girl who wants to go on hikes?
David: You look like the kind of woman who can do anything she wants to do.
My jaw drops a little and I smile at his boldness. So David’s got some game after all, I think.
Ana: How very charming of you, Mr. Rodriguez.
David: Just honest, Ms. Reyes.
My heart flutters a bit at the flirting even though my stomach flips…nervously? Uncomfortably? I take a few deep breaths, reminding myself that this is okay. That this is potentially a good thing. It is a good thing. I wait a few more minutes, just trying to calm myself down and remind myself that Hayden would want me to be happy. He would probably even really like David if he knew him.
But if he knew him, he would be alive and I wouldn’t be flirting with David. I would be with Hayden. Once more guilt floods me, harder than it has in awhile.
But he’s not alive, I remind myself. He’s gone. He’s not coming back. But he would want you to be happy.
Opening up your heart again is not a betrayal to him or his memory. But living in the guilt is. Naomi’s words come back to me, punching me in the gut just like they did the first time I heard them.
