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I close my eyes for a moment before opening them, and finding his. I nod. I tap my fingers against my wine glass three times then adjust my legs underneath me before I stand up completely and sit down again with my legs crossed in front of me instead. Stalling.
I try to figure out where to even start. How to go back to the worst night of my life. A day that started like every other day, blissfully in love with someone I knew was my soulmate. Someone I thought that I would spend all of my days with. But then by the next morning he was gone. And I was alone.
He left me.
SIXTY-ONE
THEN, SUMMER, TWO YEARS AGO
I’ve only been in my position for a few weeks and I already love it. I made a friend in the office, Evan, and it feels good to have an ally at work especially since we’re at the bottom of the food chain. Hayden and I are still moving into our apartment together. We’re taking our time, dragging our feet. As always.
I unlock the door and walk into the smell of pizza. “Honey, I’m home!” I say playfully.
Hayden’s internship in the city is only a few days a week right now, so on the days he’s home he always has dinner made for us. He doesn’t answer right away which is unusual. I slip my shoes off by the door and walk to the kitchen. He’s not there, but our homemade pizza is on the stove ready for us.
“Hayden?” I call, walking down the hall checking the rooms.
“Sorry, babe, I’m here!” He comes out of the bathroom, his hand clutching his head. “Sorry I’ve got this headache that won’t go away. I think it might be a migraine. I had to find some painkillers.”
“You took medicine? I’m shocked,” I joke and he gives me a face.
“Ha,” he says and winces.
“You sure you’re okay?” I ask. “I know you’re stubborn, but if you took medicine it must be really bothering you.”
“Yeah, I’m fine,” he says, but his grimace tells me otherwise. “I went to the pipe today with a few buddies. I hit my head in a fall.” He sees my face and quickly says, “The smallest little fall. Seriously, I didn’t black out or anything. I had my helmet on. I felt fine. This headache is probably not even connected.”
“Did you drink enough water today?” I ask.
He rolls his eyes. “No.”
“Well there you go, amor.” I push up on my toes to kiss him. He wraps his arms around me and picks me up. He carries me to the kitchen and sets me on the counter.
“Pizza, for the beautiful lady,” he says and I laugh.
“Smells so good.” I smile.
“Let me make you a plate.” He kisses me once before turning towards the stove. I see him grab his forehead again, squeezing it as if to release some of the pressure.
“You sure you’re okay?” I ask him.
He turns and smiles. It doesn’t quite look like a real Hayden smile, but he still says, “I’m sure the medicine will kick in soon, baby. I’m okay.”
I’m not completely convinced, but I hop down off of the counter and walk into the living room, sitting on our new leather sectional. I prop my feet up and pull the blanket over my lap. Hayden comes in with two plates, handing one to me and placing his on the couch next to me. He disappears and then returns with two glasses of water, handing one to me.
“Thank you, amor,” I say, and then take a bite of my pizza—extra cheese, mushrooms and sausage—my favorite.
“So, dear,” Hayden jokes. “How was work?”
“Oh work was great, darling.” I sigh, “Everything I dreamed it would be.”
“I’m so glad to hear that.” He laughs. “Look at us. So domesticated.”
“What did you do today, other than skate?” I ask him, taking another bite.
He furrows his brows, like he’s thinking for a minute, before he says, “Talked to Haven a bit on the phone. She was asking about you, she misses you.”
“Aw, I miss her too,” I say with a mouth full of pizza.
