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I notice because she starts pulling at the sleeves of the sweatshirt, again. She might wear holes in it by the time she’s done.
Reaching over, I grab both of her hands with one of mine, giving them a quick squeeze. It’s the only touch I can give her that feels safe like I’m not crossing a line into dangerous territory.
Before I can pull away, she twists her hand over, holding me in place on her lap. She doesn’t say anything, doesn’t look in my direction, just continues holding my hand to hers. That’s all it takes to send me off the deep end. Her touch is like a drug and I’m an addict.
She needs comfort, that’s all it is. But I’m soaking in this feeling. Holding Callie’s hand as we drive down the road, like normal people. Pretending for a moment that she chose to be here with me, and that yesterday never happened to her.
However, I know the reality is that Callie would never go for a loner like me. She’s too good for me, too pure. She deserves a normal guy who will take her out to a fancy dinner. I’m not a normal guy. I don’t go to malls, I don’t do crowds, I don’t talk to people. I can’t stand in a room full of people without pressing my back against a wall, too apprehensive to be surrounded.
What would happen if she knew how fucked up I am? If she knew half of what I see in my nightmares she’d probably never look at me the same. No, I’d never want to bog her life down with my problems.
Luckily, we arrived at the grocery store, glad for the excuse to stop my spiraling thoughts. She walks with me as I pick up the items I need. After encouraging her multiple times, she finally grabs a few snacks for herself. It’s all very domestic, like nothing I’ve ever experienced before. I try to play it cool so she doesn’t notice how new this is for me. My efforts are almost completely in vain though after we reach the cash register and I’m ambushed by the overly friendly, i.e. nosey, cashier.
The older woman beams a smile in my direction, “Is this your wife? I’ve only ever seen you in here before!”
Never having said more than a few words to this lady ever, I’m surprised she recognizes me at all, and her question throws me off guard. My silence is awkward, but I am tongue-tied worse than I’ve ever been before.
What is Callie to me? I can’t just tell this woman that I found her in the woods. She saves my ass though, jumping in to amend the conversation.
“Nope, not his wife. I’m just his friend, visiting from out of town!” She responds for me, matching the cashier’s friendliness and smile as if she wasn’t just a bundle of nerves in the truck a few minutes ago.
They continue with small talk about the weather and I’m relieved that I’m removed from the conversation, busying myself with loading the bags of groceries into the cart. Callie slowly follows me out of the store, but she and the cashier need at least 20 more seconds to finish telling each other goodbye and to have a nice day.
I start loading the bags into my truck when I hear her come up behind me, I can feel her nearness like a sixth sense.
“Are you telling me that big, bad, badass Nathan can save an innocent woman from two psychopaths in the mountains without a second thought, but can’t handle talking to little Ms. Betty at the Piggly Wiggly?” I turn around to see her staring at me with a raised brow, hands on her hips. Despite her making fun of me, she looks fuckin’ cute, as usual.
“I can handle Ms. Betty, I just choose not to,” I shrug. “I also didn’t know how to respond to the wife thing without telling her your business.”
“You mean, you didn’t want to tell her you found a helpless girl in the woods that you’ve been holding onto for safekeeping?” She snorts a laugh at me as she climbs into the truck. Yeah, pretty much, I think to myself.
“They probably already think I’m strange. A recluse, new-to-town… So that definitely wouldn’t help my case,” I say jokingly.
She laughs, shaking her head at me, “I doubt they think you’re weird, more like the mysterious, handsome, rugged stranger that comes into town once a week for milk and eggs.” She makes a fake swooning gesture, her hand clutching her chest dramatically.
It’s ridiculous, but I still laugh at her joke, not missing the part where she called me handsome. Seeing her so carefree fuels my need to see her happy, a smile belongs on her face all the time. I’m determined to make that happen.
I finish packing away the cold stuff in a cooler I keep in the bed for longer trips to town like this and return the cart so we can leave.
Without saying anything, as soon as I pull out of the parking lot I see the tension return to her shoulders. She knows what stop comes next.
She’s about to relive the terrible things she went through yesterday to a complete stranger, again. Not that I’m a stranger to her anymore, hell, she told the cashier she was my friend. She might not have meant it, but I hope she did.
Her earlier words ring in my head- mysterious, handsome, and rugged… There are worse ways to be described, but it doesn’t matter. She’s one foot out the door to never being seen again. That’s always been the reality of this situation, so why does it feel like she’s slipping through my fingers?
I pull up in front of the old building that holds the Rollins County Sheriff’s office. I haven’t been to this area yet. It appears much older than the part I’m used to. It looks like it’s been here for a couple hundred years or more. All the neighboring buildings butt up to one another looking like something from a Western. It could have been used as the set for Mayberry for all I know.
Turning the ignition off, I look over at Callie. She’s clutching her seat belt with both hands, biting her bottom lip as she stares out her window at the building.
“Hey, stop that, you’re gonna open your cut back up,” I reach over and tug lightly at her chin, making her release her lip. She looks at me then, with big doe eyes, clearly on edge.
I realize I haven’t let go of her chin yet, and drop my hand back to my lap, “Don’t be nervous.”
“What if he doesn’t believe me?” She asks, softly.
“He will. But, if he gives you any trouble, I’ll kick his ass,” I say in all seriousness. Despite my blank expression, a smile slowly spreads across her face, breaking me, and making me smirk.
Goal achieved, I hop out of the truck and round to her side, opening her door, “Ready?”
