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“I’m no stranger to killing people, Callie. I won’t be able to live with myself knowing they’re still breathing. Knowing they hurt you already, and would do worse if they got to you again.” I shake my head to rid myself of those thoughts. I watch her, waiting for her reaction.
“And what am I supposed to do when you’re arrested for murder and I lose you forever?” Her voice cracks. The anger is one thing, but the tears in her eyes are like a sledgehammer to my chest, knocking all the wind out of me. I didn’t consider that perspective, because I don’t plan on getting caught, but I understand her pain. The idea of ever losing her kills me too.
“I won’t get caught. I’m too stubborn to live my life without you.” I reach out to capture her jaw, afraid she’ll flinch away from me, but she doesn’t. She lets her face rest in my hand, my thumb traces her soft cheek. “I’m going to do whatever it takes to make sure you’re safe,” I vow. “I understand if…” I pause, the words getting caught in my throat, “I understand if you aren’t happy about it. I just hope like hell you’ll forgive me.”
“Forgive you for what?” She asks, confused.
“Forgive me for being a murderer,” I don’t mince my words, needing to get my point across. I’ve killed before, this is just the first one unsanctioned by the United States government. We sit in silence, she mindlessly plays with my fingers resting on the center console. Lost in her thoughts.
“I don’t think you’re a murderer. Not when they deserve to die for what they did to me. I would have killed them if I had the chance, I just wasn’t strong enough,” she says so softly that I have to watch her lips to catch every word.
“You survived, Callie. That’s strength. Killing is just about opportunity. They had you outnumbered and restrained, you’re lucky to be alive with those odds,” I tell her, sincerely.
“I was lucky because of you. Not because of what I did… If I had been able to kill them when they attacked me, you wouldn’t be in this situation.” She shakes her head as if scolding herself.
“I wasn’t there the whole time, baby. You made it to me all on your own, and you made it out of that clearing on your own two feet. You survived. And, I’m damn proud of you for it.” Pulling her into me by the back of her neck, I press our foreheads together. Forcing her to listen to me. “So damn, proud of you.”
She sniffles back her tears. “If you remember correctly, you had to carry me out of those woods.” She looks at me incredulously, but I can tell her mood’s lighter.
“You’re a beautiful woman, I was more than happy to carry you.” I give her a cheeky grin, making her laugh. That sweet sound makes it impossible not to kiss her senseless. I take my time, savoring her soft lips against mine, exploring her mouth. I don’t know how long we’ll be apart, but I know it’ll be too long. Any amount of time will be. She takes her time kissing me back, neither of us wanting to pull away first.
“Promise me you’ll be careful, Nathan. I want to come home to you,” she whispers the plea against my lips, kissing me again.
“I promise, baby. I’ll bring you home as fast as I can.” I leave a final kiss on her forehead, reluctant to leave her. She climbs out of my truck, blowing me a kiss with tears in her eyes. I don’t pray, but I pull away from the curb, thanking God for giving me, Callie. The next time I come to Tennessee, it’s going to be to move her back home with me to North Carolina. We’re going to leave all the bad behind us and build a life together. I’ll spend every day of my life proving to her how much I love her.
The further I drive the darker my thoughts get. The light Callie emits has been distracting me, and now that I’m away from her, the anger is seeping back in. I spend the rest of my drive devising my plan. It’s going to be a lot of recon, I’m going to have to watch Sheriff Donahue until he leads me to the other two. Hopefully, it doesn’t take long. I’m eager to get my girl back, and these scumbags are keeping her from me. I think about how I’m going to do it. If I have my choice, I’ll strangle the Sheriff with my bare hands, forcing him to gasp for breath as he dies. Once I get a hold of Tony and Bub, it’s hard to say what will feel right. I thought about burying them alive, torturing them in their final moments. Giving them exactly what they deserve.
It’s too unpredictable though, not knowing how long it will take them to die. I need to kill them with my own hands, see the life drain from their eyes.
Maybe, I should drag them back out to the clearing I first saw Callie in, the one they chased her into, and line them up side by side, public execution style. Put a bullet in them and leave them there to be picked off by scavengers.
As much as I want to make them suffer, I have to play it smart. Callie was right, I can’t get caught, there’s no chance in hell I’m missing out on a life with her when I just found her. I’ll take my time, watch where the Sheriff leads me, then I’ll eliminate them once and for all.
Chapter Forty-Three
Callie
Two weeks later
Every morning I wake up to an empty bed and go to sleep the same way. Each day passes by slower than the last. I’ve hardly heard anything from Nathan, but it doesn’t stop me from checking my phone a hundred times a day. I’ve received a handful of texts, all a quick I love you from him, while my responses are left undelivered. The one and only phone call was from two days after he left, warning me he’d be going off the grid and keeping his phone turned off. He didn’t want to risk any evidence pointing to him if an investigation ever occurred, something about his phone pinging towers and giving away his movements. The way he talked so casually about his plans was alarming, but I trust him. I have to, or my heart wouldn’t be able to handle the worry.
“I’m asking you to put all your faith in me, baby. I know it isn’t fair, but I’m asking you to trust me. Just hang with me until all this is over, and I’ll never leave you in the dark again. I promise.”
That phone call was full of promises and I love you’s, but it still feels like a boulder weighing on my chest. It’s hard not to let my concerns creep in, especially as more time passes. Every night I lay awake in bed hoping that he’s safe. Four nights ago I cried for hours when I realized if he got hurt, or died, I wouldn’t know. We aren’t married. I doubt his family even knows about me. If something were to happen to him, who knows how long it would take for me to find out?
Since that night I have felt sick every morning when I wake up, with little relief throughout the day when my anxiety is causing knots in my stomach. I’ve hardly eaten a meal because of it, not able to stomach feeding myself when Nathan could be lying dead somewhere. All because of me.
One day ago, I bought a pregnancy test. My constant overthinking is making my emotions rage out of control. I’m on birth control, there is no reason I should be pregnant, but my insistent nausea is concerning. Rationally, I know it’s probably just stress, but with my luck lately, I need to be sure. Not having enough courage to pee on the stick until this morning, I sit on my bed, staring at the small white test sitting on the dresser. I have two minutes to ponder my life choices. The thought of being pregnant seems ridiculous, my brain doesn’t even want to consider it. Luckily, I know it could only be Nathan’s since I wouldn’t go near my ex when I knew our relationship was spiraling.
Am I ready to have Nathan’s baby?
I’m not ready to be a mom, and I definitely haven’t had enough time with Nathan to even have the family talk with him, but… Having his baby? I think one day I would like that. Just, not today. Please, not today.
With thirty seconds remaining on my timer, I get choked up imagining Nathan as a dad. He’d be a wonderful father, I have no doubts. I think he’d be a good husband too. My eyes sting with tears even thinking about getting an entire life with him. My timer goes off, signaling that the test should be complete, but I’m glued to the bed. My feet aren’t moving even though my brain is telling me to get up.
I take a couple of deep breaths, preparing myself. It’s going to be okay, I chant in my head, over and over. I stand over the test, picking it up with trembling fingers, immediately seeing the negative line. My breath wooshes out of me, relief washing over me. Thank God, a baby is not something I was ready to add to the mix of this fucked up time in my life.
So, why am I crying?
