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Once they find their woman, they put a ring on it as quickly as they can, and then, as soon as humanly possible, they get her pregnant. I watched it happen with both Parker and Claire, so I know it will be the same with Hendrick.
Henrick slips out of me, releasing his grip on my legs before he rolls onto his back beside my body. My legs slowly lower and straighten, but I otherwise don’t move or say a single word. I’m not sure what to do in this situation.
Usually, I know exactly what to say and when to say it, even if I’m totally out of line, but right now, I have nothing. Turning my head, I bite the inside of my cheek as I watch his profile, waiting for what he’s going to say or do next.
He clears his throat, turns his head, and his eyes find mine. “I shouldn’t have come here tonight,” he rasps.
I can’t help but wonder if he saw me watching him at his parents’ house, but I dare not ask. Staying silent, I wait for more. I’m incredibly nervous and wish I could blame the uneasiness in my stomach on the fact that I’m pregnant and possibly sick, but it’s not that at all.
It’s him.
Everything about him.
“For the record, I still don’t believe you,” he says.
I don’t bother responding. He doesn’t have to believe me, and he shouldn’t because I’m lying. I’m a fucking liar, and it’s killing me. I hate myself right now, and I don’t think I’m ever going to not hate myself for this situation.
Hendrick reaches out, cupping my cheek as his thumb slides across my bottom lip. “I don’t fucking believe you, and I can’t get enough of you. But I can’t do this anymore. This was the last time.”
Here I thought the last time was the last time, but I don’t say that. Instead, I give him a single nod. “Yeah,” I exhale. “I know. The last time, again.”
He chuckles. “I don’t want it to be the last time. But it’s got to be. There is nothing good that can come from us continuing this. Aren’t you worried about your man?”
I almost laugh in his face, and I can tell he’s watching me and waiting for my reaction. I don’t give it to him. Instead, I smile softly. “He’s married, Hendrick. He’s not going to be part of my life.”
The color drains from his face. “So this baby has no father?”
And for the first time since all of this transpired, I tell the truth. “No, it doesn’t have a father. This baby has me.”
I hate the expression that crosses his face at my words. It’s hurt. It slides through him as if I have sliced through him with a knife using only my words. And I can’t blame any part of him, because he knows I’m telling the truth and he’s practically begging to hear all of it.
He wants me to say that this baby is his.
But that does neither of us any good.
I’ll never be his wife. Hell, I’ll never be his girlfriend. I’ll be his secret, watching his life from the outside and wishing that I were part of it. I’ll be in limbo, never able to be myself and never able to tell the world just who my lover is.
I’m tired of being second. With Hendrick, this all just started as something fun, except it got serious before I could stop it. I would have never, not ever, started things with him if I thought I was going to fall in love with him.
And I truly have fallen in love.
I doubt I’ll ever find anyone else who I feel this way about. There is something between us, like nothing else I’ve ever experienced before, and I feel like I’m mourning the loss of what could be.
That’s what it is, though, right? I’m pregnant with this man’s child, and he’s never going to know it’s his. I’m mourning the life that we could have had together, if circumstances were different, if he were a man who was available.
That’s a classic move by me, finding a man who is completely and totally unavailable. It’s who I am as a person. This means that even though I’m not even twenty-five, I think it’s time for me to be done.
What I should be doing, what I should have been doing this whole time, is focusing on myself. On my career, on my dream. On my shop. I have the opportunity to do that now, and I need to hold on to it with both hands, even if the concept makes me feel incredibly icky.
Because make no mistake about it, it does.
“Okay, Allison,” he rasps. “That’s how we’re going to play it, then.”
I really hate how he’s trying to get me to be defensive, how he continues to goad me and question me, but he’s not going to get an answer that he likes, he’s not going to get the full truth or story from me. That paperwork I signed from his father was an NDA.
I cannot tell Hendrick the whole truth. Otherwise, all the money goes back, the lease has to be paid back in full, and I’m out on my ass. Which is something I’m not willing to compromise for the sake of this baby alone. I don’t care about myself, but I have a brand-new life inside of me that needs things, like a home and food.
All things I can’t provide without this. Any day job I could find doesn’t give me nearly enough money to pay for food, rent, and baby things, plus there’s the cost of day care. I wouldn’t be able to do it all without this money from Henry Hamilton.
