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He bites back a smile. “Yeah. Come here.” I rest my head on his shoulder and close my eyes. Confusion wrestles with contentment in my chest. I’m thinking about the kiss. I’m thinking about the fact that I ended a year-long relationship with a note last week and ran away from my wedding. And even if I don’t want to care, I’m also thinking about how mad Jake would be if he found out what we’re doing.
But right now, I decide that it can all happily find its way to the back of my mind for later. Right now, Jesse’s shoulder is the comfiest place in the world, and I plan to enjoy it.
16
JESSE
Andi is walking beside me down the main strip of Frosty Harbor. Ahead of us, the frozen over harbor is full of families ice skating while distant holiday music plays, echoing off into the mountains beyond the ice. Tourism is picking up, and I’m recognizing fewer and fewer people sharing the sidewalks with us.
“You know,” Andi says. “I don’t think I’ve ever done casual.”
“Should I be worried, then?” I’m trying to sound nonchalant, but my pulse quickened the moment she brought up the odd arrangement we started last night on that couch. I wanted to kiss her more, but she asked to finish the movie and fell asleep before it finished. I wound up carrying her to the guest cabin bedroom, tucking her in, and sleeping alone.
Alright. I went into the bathroom and fucked my hand. Then I slept. Same difference.
“Nope. I’m sure I can figure it out. Let me guess. The difference between a casual relationship and a real one is you gotta act cool all the time, right? Roll with the punches. Oh, you’re ending things? Cool, cool. Yeah. No biggie.”
I grin. “Something like that.”
“See? I’m going to be fine.”
“One question, though.”
“Alright.”
“Does this make me your girlfriend? Or do I have to qualify it? Like, I’m your ‘casual’ girlfriend?”
“As long as you only use that kind of label with me, sure. But nobody else is supposed to know, remember?”
“So we’re casual secret boyfriend and girlfriend? Yeah,” she says, pursing her lips. “Cool, cool. No biggie.”
I shake my head, laughing. “Alright, then.”
“So where are we going, anyway?”
“I need new string lights for the tree at my cabin. Old ones are going out.”
She is barely containing her excitement. “Are we going to decorate your tree together?” She has her hands clutched up against the point of her chin, teeth clenched and eyes wide.
“If you want.”
“I do!” She punches me three times, because apparently that’s what Andi Summers does when she gets too excited. She’s like a fucking cat, or something.
I have to take her by the shoulders and steer her away before she lands any more punches. “Easy, killer.”
“Sorry,” she says, blowing a loose clump of hair out of her face. “Holiday stuff just gets me super pumped.”
“Clearly.”
“Can I decorate the rest of the cabin, too? You have boxes of stuff somewhere, right? You said it was your mom and dad’s cabin. I bet they have a treasure trove of cutesy little weird decorations.”
“There might be some stuff in the basement. I haven’t looked in years.”
“I’m on it!”
I smile, but there’s a thread of worry running through me as I hold the door to the department store open for her.
Casual.
