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“City Bank,” Paisley says, still impersonating Sean Connery. Except it sounds like she’s saying shitty bank. “Why did they pick Sean Connery as a spokesperson, of all people? Didn’t they know?” She’s mostly talking to herself, but appears to be deeply enjoying the conversation all the same.
“I think it would be a good idea if we gave Paisley a ride home,” Andi says.
Jesse smirks, nodding. “Come on. I’ll give you all a ride.” He pauses. “Unless Mia wanted to ride with Nolan?”
“No,” she says quickly. “I’ll go with you.”
We all exchange a few quick words of goodbye, and I find myself walking back to my car alone.
I pull the door shut and sit there without turning on the engine or the heat.
A realization seems to sink into me, settling deep in my chest. In a sudden flash of insight, I can see why I can’t stop fucking things up with Mia.
It’s because she doesn’t ever want to date me again. That bridge is burned to ash. I think part of me has known that down to my core, even if I didn’t want to admit it. Maybe I had it right when she first showed up. I told her I’d make her my plaything and she’d enjoy it.
Then old feelings crept in and I started acting like I could be my old self again–like I could just rewind the clock and go back two years. I could be the old me and we could start fresh.
But that’s all bullshit. I’m not the same guy and she’s not the same woman.
So why keep pretending?
It’s time I do what I’ve learned to do best. I need to stop trying to date Mia and go back to trying to sleep with her. Things were a hell of a lot simpler that way.
The decision doesn’t feel quite right, but I know that’s only because I need to give it time. Eventually, I’ll look back and laugh at myself for thinking it could go any other way than this.
20
MIA
I’ve been back in Frosty Harbor for almost a month now. I’m loving my job. I’m loving being back home and connecting with old friends. I’m loving the few days of spring starting to mix in with the usual biting cold of a fading winter. For once, it actually feels like I’m where I want to be. Sure, there’s this nagging strangeness because of the way things have changed with Nolan, but I know his hockey season will start again and I’ll stop seeing him around Taste.
Once he goes back on the road, he’ll forget about me and I can go back to pretending I’ve forgotten about him.
I’ve been dodging invites to hang out at Jesse’s cabin with Andi and Caroline for a few weeks now. Mostly, I don’t want to complicate what has been a smooth, drama-free stretch of days for the first time in a long time. I don’t want to run into Nolan, who I know is staying at Jesse’s guest cabin ever since he moved himself out of our rental.
But I’m on Jesse’s couch tonight. I’m still wearing my chef’s outfit with garlic butter stains on my pants and the smell of cooking lingering on my skin and hair.
Jesse and the guys have been playing cards out on the patio by the fire and they’ve mostly left us girls alone inside.
I’ve positioned myself on the couch with my back to the windows so I won’t have to try to stop myself from looking at Nolan.
“So,” Andi says, resting her hands on her slightly rounded belly. It seems to be growing by the day. “How are things? You’ve been so busy. I feel like I haven’t seen you in weeks.”
“I know,” Caroline says before I can even respond. “Keep it up, and we’re going to fully replace you with Paisley. She doesn’t dodge our invites.”
Paisley rests her chin on her knuckles and does a silly beauty queen smile. “Aren’t I great?”
I smile. “Honestly? I feel weird being around him.”
“Mr. Saulters?” Paisley asks.
“Nolan!” All three of us groan in unison.
Something about hearing him called “Mr. Saulters” still feels so wrong to me.
“Sorry, sorry. But what’s the big deal?” Paisley asks. “You guys hardly ever talk when he’s at Taste. And it seems like he smoothed things over with Zander. I’ve actually seen them going out to the bars together after work a few times. It’s like they’re friends, now.”
“It’s nothing,” I say.
