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My daughter.
Tillie
You know, it's not like the movies at all.
I don't have a sudden urge to run through a field of wildflowers and act like it's my first time seeing the sun as I reach my hands towards the sky.
I'm not going to scream at the top of my lungs that I'm free if I were on the back of Dalton's bike as the wind makes a tangled mess of my hair.
I wanted freedom from my old life, which seemed impossible to escape.
Doris once told me I'd soar one day, blinding everyone as they saw me fly into the sunshine.
I held those words to heart, thinking that's all I needed to do.
Run.
I kept running until my feet lifted off the ground as I chased freedom.
But the reality is that my feet are firmly planted, and I don't plan on going anywhere.
I think this is what happiness feels like. Content.
Being loved and cared for.
"What are you thinking about so hard over here, baby girl?" Logan asks in the shell of my ear as he sneaks up behind me.
“If it’s possible to feel like my heart will burst full of love, but if it’s okay to feel sad,” I reply truthfully, leaning my back against his front for a second.
“Everyone feels sad, Tillie. No one walks around happily all the time. It’s okay to not smile all the time. We all have our days,” he says, his voice deep and serious as he presses a kiss on my shoulder blade and strides away to give me time to think.
I've been processing. Still am.
Since leaving my past behind and looking forward, it's been... difficult to come to terms with the fact that I no longer have to look over my shoulders anymore.
Three days ago, I locked myself up in our room, staring at the ceiling and wondering, What now?
The guys checked on me but gave me space. Maybe they could see the confused, lost look on my face. Or the need to have a minute to myself. Either way, I love them even more for giving me time to deal. I finally decided that enough is enough, and it's time to start living how I want to live. The past won't hold me in its tight grasp anymore. I choose what I want without worrying about that little scared girl in the corner of my mind making an appearance. I let myself go.
I told the old me that it's okay now.
We can move on.
With that peaceful feeling of letting it all lay down to rest, I can finally breathe without my breath catching in the back of my throat.
I get out of bed.
I shower and put my clothes on.
I walk slowly towards the living room and out the backdoor towards the white-sand beaches without feeling like the whole weight of the world was on my shoulders.
It's how I found myself, with my head tilted back and smiling as the sun warmed my skin. I slowly open my eyes to take in the scene before me.
Nicola and Evan are lounging under enormous umbrellas as they lay on their sides to stare into each other's eyes. They both look so happy and in love. They deserve to be two young people in love, free to love who they want without fear. I shake my head as they start making out and gaze around until I see Nicky further down the beach under another huge umbrella, but his facial expression has me smiling.
He’s staring at his sister with a disgusted, curled lip. He looks a little green, but I can see how his eyes soften as his sister giggles. He can pretend all he wants, but I think he likes Evan, too. He’s good for Nicola.
Two shouts and splashes pull my gaze away to see Dalton charging after Tey, who is giggling like a manic schoolgirl, as he runs into the ocean with a drenched Dalton stomping after him in the sand. I hope Tey never changes—that he keeps pulling pranks and just being his cute, psycho self. I love that Dalton looks like this total badass biker but is a big softy inside. It’s like having my own giant personal teddy bear. I bite my lip to hold in my giggles as Dalton literally picks up Tey over his head and throws him into the ocean, landing with a big splash.
