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My breath catches in my throat.
“Ryo,” she calls my name in a broken voice, “I was so young when we got together. I hadn’t fully developed an identity yet. I still had so many dreams. So many things that I thought were more important than my family. But I was wrong. All the things I thought I wanted are not the things that truly fulfill me. And all the things I thought I needed in a man turned out to be the wrong things.”
She sniffs. “I thought I wanted someone who would leave everything he knew to be with me, to make me more comfortable. But I realize I had a man who would turn his back on his family just to protect ours.” She laughs self-deprecatingly. “And I thought that being with someone who liked staying in, watching movies, and not going anywhere on the weekends was torture. But I realize that having someone who loves being home with me, just spending time with me without all the other distractions, is priceless.”
As the shock wears off, I shake my head. “Ashanti, I do not think you should continue.”
“You should know where I stand, Ryo.” Her lashes clump together from the tears.
“I do not wish to return to the past.”
“But… haven’t you seen how in sync we are? Over the past few days, we’ve made our own routines and connected our lives again.”
“The lives we lead are separate and they only interconnect for Niko’s sake. That is different than living each day together, exposing each other to the good and the bad parts of ourselves. We can make the first part work, but we have already proven that we cannot live together.”
“But—”
“Ashanti,” I stand, “I did not want you to leave Japan. I was willing to change for you, but you chose to leave me and I accepted it. Now, time has passed and that desire to be what you wanted, to change myself for you… it left.”
She steps closer to me. Her robe sways over her dark feet. “What attracted us to each other hasn’t changed.”
I step back before she can touch me. My face impassive, I remind her, “What drove us apart has not changed either.”
Her expression crumbles with hurt. Inside the deepest chambers of my heart, I feel a prick of guilt. Had I not gotten involved with her, had I walked past her in Japan, had we decided to go our separate ways without sleeping together, would her life be this damaged? Would those tears be in her eyes?
I would not give up Niko for anything but, in this moment, I grieve the life Ashanti could have had, the marriage she could have had, the career she could have had, if we had never met.
“For Niko’s sake, I hope we can continue to remain friends,” I say.
Ashanti glances down. “Are you rejecting me because of that girl?”
“Even if Dejonae had not been in my life, I would not be interested.”
“That’s quite,” she blinks rapidly, “that’s quite decisive.”
The gurgle of the water is all that can be heard as Ashanti gets her emotions under control. I watch the pool lights dance against the beach chairs. It’s a deep and unnatural blue, almost as if we are both stuck in a dream.
“I, uh,… I guess… goodnight, Ryo.” Ashanti turns and plods to the guest house like a listless ghost.
* * *
The next morning,my mother informs me that Ashanti left early.
“She is only going to move out of her old house and finalize the divorce,” Mother warns. “She will be coming back.”
“Did you know about her divorce? Is that why you were trying to push us back together?”
“A family should be together.” She twines two fingers. “Original families are better.”
“That is not always true.”
“It is true,” she says stubbornly. Tracing her hands in the air, she explains, “Father and mother. Down to the child. See? Simple.” She rakes her hands through the air, marking invisible lines in multiple directions. “But see this? Father. Step-mother. Step-father. Mother. Child. Confusing.” She shakes her head. “Not good.”
“I am dating Dejonae now. How unfair would it be to her if I left her for Ashanti?”
“You leave her to go back to the original. She is not the original. She will never be the original.”
I realize that fighting my mother on this would be pointless. Abandoning the topic, I get Niko ready for school.
