AllFreeNovel
Share Us
I roll over the mattress and grunt a little as he flattens me against his body, almost crushing me.
“Adam,” I whisper, trying to pry his hands off.
He’s a steel band.
I nuzzle his ear, whispering softly, “I’m not going anywhere. I promise. Just relax.”
There’s a beat where neither of us move. Finally, Adam’s arms loosen a bit. I’m able to move around a little more and I succeed in kicking the blanket away.
Ah. Much better.
With Adam spooning me from behind, I relax and let my breath match the rhythm of his.
After a while, I hear him getting distressed in his sleep. I twist my neck and note the worried crease in the middle of his forehead. Alarmed, I touch his arm, assuring him that I won’t disappear yet, that I’m still here. And I feel him relax again.
Rain falls overhead, pattering against the roof.
I close my eyes.
Breathe in his scent.
Nuzzle closer to him.
Peace.
I’ve been feeling the absence of it for so long, but with Adam, it’s like I’m drowning in it.
How frightening to learn that I’m not as cold and unfeeling as I want to be. But how amazing is it to have someone I love?
Having someone to lean on, someone who can lean on me in return, is worth it. Even if it means losing control.
I take a moment to settle my nerves. It’s ironic that I’d stumble on such an important revelation in a season like this.
A season of death and darkness.
A season of loss.
And grief.
And pain.
This isn’t the right time to be with Adam. Not while he needs the space and time to focus on Rowan while he grieves.
A sad smile tilts my lips when Adam buries his nose in my neck. I graze my fingertips over his knuckles, my heart aching in the worst way. I can’t even begin to imagine what he’s feeling right now.
When I met him at the door, he looked like a zombie come alive. His skin had a grey palor and his eyes were so hopeless. For a second, I wondered ifhewas the one who should have been wheeled to the morgue today.
When he collapsed on me, I panicked. I’d never seen Adam, someone with such strength and positivity, so downtrodden.
“You’re going to be okay, Adam,” I breathe against his skin. “You’ve done so much for me. I’m going to return the favor if it kills me.”
As if he heard my words, he tightens his grip on my waist. It’s amazing that, even unconscious, Adam is still so in-tuned to me.
I slide my fingers up to his elbow. He’s so strong. I can feel the cords of muscles bulging, ready to take on the world for the people he loves. He never takes a break from showing up. He doesn’t believe he’s entitled to.
Turning, I place a soft kiss on his forehead. It’s a confession that doesn’t need words. A promise that he probably understands even though he’s fast asleep and can’t hear me.
I’ll be there for you.
