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Nova.
In lingerie.
Smiling at me from my bed.
I shake my head and stiffly shuffle to my feet.
My first instinct is to check on Nova, but I don’t trust myself to be near her right now.
Shower first.
And I’ll make it a cold one.
When I emerge from the bathroom a few minutes later, I’ve got the beast inside—the one that wants to gobble up Nova every time she so much as bends down to pick up a pen—in check.
I’ve been wrestling with that dragon since Nova’s first day. Once he’s chained up where he belongs, I stand a better chance of keeping my hands to myself.
On the way to the living room, I pass Rowan’s room.
I stop and ease the door open. He’s lying beneath the blanket. It’s a cream shade,sandstone—at least that’s what Nova called it when she picked it out for me.
My eyes trip over the plain cream walls, bare except for a painting of the ocean. There’s a lamp next to the nightstand, a dresser and a small closet. The attached bathroom is decorated just as plainly.
Instead of getting a paternity test, you should make the guestroom kid-friendly.
Nova’s words return to haunt me.
I’m definitely getting the paternity test but… I can also do something about Rowan’s room. Nobody said I can’t do both.
I start to walk away when Rowan makes a sound of distress in his sleep. Alarmed, I hurry to the bed and bend over it. Noticing the sweat on his brow, I realize he might be having a bad dream and set a hand on his shoulder.
“Rowan, hey, buddy. You okay?”
At the sound of my voice, his expression eases and he goes back to sleeping soundly. I study the kid. With his face smushed into the pillow and his arms flung out, he doesn’t look so annoying. In fact, if I squint a little, he looks kind of sweet.
I remove my hand from Rowan’s shoulder. He rolls toward me as if he wants to keep me from leaving.
I’m surprised by how pleased that makes me.
“I’m still here, kid.” I run my hand through Rowan’s dark hair, noticing that it’s the same color and texture as mine.
I don’t know if he’s my son yet. But Idoknow that Nova’s right—I haven’t been putting much effort into getting to know Rowan.
Maybe that’s because I’m scared.
Scared that the moment I open my heart to him, my life really will be changed forever.
But is keeping my distance worth the risk?
Nova’s warning in the elevator yesterday, that I can’t make another first impression, seeps into my head.
I’ve been treating Rowan like an inconvenience.
Which he is.
But it doesn’t scrub away my responsibility.
“I’m going to try and do better, bud,” I promise under my breath. “It might take some adjusting, for the both of us. But I’ll get there.”
