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“Yes, and…” And what? I didn’t know why it was weirder with Kol than with Nyx. They were both stunning, but my body didn’t have the same reaction to Kol.
“And?” Kol prompted.
“You’re identical. It reminds me of him,” I blurted. I couldn’t believe I’d admitted it aloud.
He returned to my line of vision dressed in sparring clothes, with one eyebrow raised.“Is that a bad thing?”
“It is when I go scarlet thinking about it.”
Kol narrowed his eyes, processing the information. “Do you like him?”
I swallowed.
He smirked. “Sunshine, do you like my brother?”
“Yes. Or at least something inside me does, but it’s rather against my will.” I wanted it clear that the feeling wasn’t voluntary.
His lips curled into a sly smile. “That’s an interesting twist.”
“Why?” I demanded.
“A lot of ryders end up sleeping with their flyer at some point or another. We spend a lot of time together, and training can be intense and rather intimate. That closeness can bring on feelings, or it can be mistaken for them in some cases. Or, honestly, sometimes it’s just convenient to have a fuck buddy when we are out on tours for months. So, everyone blowing off a little steam rolling in the fields isn’t uncommon, but you can’t be at that point yet. Usually, it takes months.”
“What are you saying?”
“That maybe you just actually like him?” He laughed again, shaking his head with a shrug. “I’m not sure what it really means. It’s interesting, that’s all.”
I made a face, my lip curled in disgust. “Goddess, save me.”
Kol softened, sitting on the coffee table in front of me and taking my hands in his. “He’s not a bad guy, Zaria. Believe me—we spend a lot of time in each other’s heads. If anyone would know, I would.”
“Doesn’t make him any less insufferable.”
“True, and I can’t help with that. He came out of our mother’s womb that way.” He squeezed my hands. “Come on. We need to get your uniform before your lesson.”
NINETEEN
NYX
Maybe I’m a glutton for punishment, but I tried to pry in my brother’s mind while they were getting her uniform. I was blocked though. I guessed he didn’t feel bad for not inviting me to go out with them last night. If he did, he wouldn’t be shutting me out. He should feel guilty. How could he take Zaria out when he knows damn well I can’t get through five minutes with her without us clashing? I mean…that’s obviously why he didn’t invite me, too, but damn it, he shouldn’t have invited her, either. She’s my ryder. Mine. If she goes out with anyone, it should be me. Or I should get a fucking invite, at least.
I had paced a fucking rut in my floor last night, feeling bad that she was stuck in her rooms alone, annoyed that because she was so stubborn, she probably didn’t eat so she wouldn’t have to risk seeing me. I almost took her food or had some sent, but I knew it wouldn’t be welcome. So instead, I just stewed in my room, guilt ridden that all I seemed to do was make a bad situation worse for her. All the while she was out with my brother, probably holding court with half the legion at the Flaming Pegasus.
So, yeah, Kol should feel guilty for not inviting me, even if I would have ruined the mood. Or at least fucking warned me he was inviting her so I didn’t look like such a clueless bastard. I was not talking to him. I would put up with him because Zaria was leaning on him, but he and I were not friends right now.
Kol was his own person, and while we were incredibly close, we lived very different lifestyles. He had friends from his unit that I couldn’t be as close to—not when I was grounded here while they were out fighting and bonding. He liked to party in the city with them in his time off while I felt like I wasn’t part of that scene. Even when I finally joined them in the field one day, hopefully soon, I would be leading them, and I had to be above reproach, so I’d never truly be a part of what they had.
Now I finally had my ryder—the one person who should have been by my side for the rest of my life. My partner, my one. But she didn’t want to be that, and then I came to find that she’d managed to fall in with the very group I had to stay on the fringes of, no doubt fitting in perfectly and making them all love her, too.Things were hard enough before, but with practically a whole legion ready to welcome her with open arms, it felt like I was under even more pressure.
Goddess, what if Zaria took a liking to one of them? I was going to lose her in every way.
I had to cool down and find some way to work with her both in and out of training so that I stopped driving her away. If I could achieve that, maybe she would feel more at home and her magic would unlock. Most bonded pairs melded their magics soon after bonding, but she didn’t even have magic yet, and if we didn’t meld, she would stay in the dark about the extent of our bond. I sure wasn’t going to be the one to tell her. It was far better she discover it for herself.
I arrived at the advanced class well before Kol and Zaria with my own gear.
“Did she ditch you?” Hazel joked.
“How did you guess?” I deadpanned.
