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“Trust me, if you are screwing with that poor girl, I wouldn’t bother punching your face when I could knock you out of the sky."
I smiled ruefully. “Damn, you sound like her brother, not mine. Relax. It’s not all that.”
But it was. I could still feel her body pressed into mine, and how right it felt. More right than any fae I’d ever touched, only confirming what I’d known since the first time I saw her.
“We kissed. She—” I exhaled heavily. “I love her.”
Goddess, it was out there now, but telling him felt necessary. I couldn’t take it back, and I didn’t want to.
“I love her more than I thought possible, honestly. But I’m making her hate me.”
“And doing a real good job of it, too. Like you’re the expert arsehole.” He rubbed a hand over his chest, looking to the heavens. Rays of moonlight cut through small gaps in the cloud cover, casting down all around us. The Night Kingdom was the most beautiful place in all the Twelve Kingdoms. I hated that we couldn’t enjoy it more, living the way flyers did with the wars always over our heads.
“I know, I know. I wish it were as easy for me as it is for you. I’m losing her. She wouldn’t even go to combat training today. She was supposed to meet Hazel and be assessed, but we had a fight, and she stormed off. She’s frustrated with me, the situation, Rakan.”
“Can you blame her? You’re being an arse. Rakan’s not exactly easy to deal with, either.” Kol spoke like he had a bad taste in his mouth. “He’s always put me off. I think he and Octavian are too close. I’ve never liked it.”
I nodded, running over my interactions with Rakan in my head. “Do you think? I can’t decide if Octavian is on my side anymore. I used to believe he wanted the best for me, but now it feels like he doesn’t want to give me my place.”
“Power corrupts, absolutely.”
“Do you really think there can’t be any good in someone in his position? I don’t want to fall prey to that legacy when I take over my command.” Why did politics have to seep into every aspect of our lives?
“I don’t know. I don’t like the way he handled the burning of Zaria’s village. I tried to talk to our commander about it, but he said the order came from Octavian, and there was nothing he could have done. I just don’t think it’s right to destroy an entire community because of some wrongdoing there.” Kol shook his head.
“It’s been bothering me, too. I’ve wanted to bring it up to Octavian, but I’ve been too busy with Zaria.”
He nodded. “You should. I don’t want to be a part of a system that thinks that’s okay. It shouldn’t even be on the fucking table.”
I stepped forward to put my hand on his shoulder. “It never would be if I were in command.”
He nodded, letting his head hang heavy. I’d missed how much it was affecting him. “I know, which makes this worse. Zaria didn’t deserve to be orphaned.”
“You said some got away... could they be her family?”
He didn’t lift his head, his grief bleeding from him. The war took from us all. “I don’t know. The commander reported there weren’t any survivors, which makes me think they found them, and I missed it. I thought they’d at least capture them and bring them in for questioning, but they didn’t even do that. Why?”
“I don’t know… but I am going to find out.”
We were quiet for a long time before Kol spoke again. “You have to be on her side above all else. Even above mine. You need each other, and until you figure that out inside yourself, she’s going to feel there is distance and conflict between you. You have to trust her like you’re asking her to trust you.” Kol met my eyes, his still that of his dragon. Bright and intense jade, just like mine. “You can’t expect her to leap when you won’t.”
“You’re right.”
“I’m always right.” Kol laughed.
“Thank you for being there for her.”
He put his arm over mine and his hand on my shoulder, sealing us in the embrace. “You’re welcome. But don’t forget I’m here for you, too.”
I squeezed him briefly before I let him go.
“Now, I’m going to go finish my duty so I can go fuck my ryder before he starts his day.” Kol grinned, all teeth and mischief.
“Wait, he’s not with you.” I realized for the first time.
He gave me a ‘no shit’ look. “We’re only back here for provisions and some training. So, he’s on days with that ryder stuff, and they put the flyers on night watch duty since there’s really nothing to do.”
“Well, go get your morning delight, then.”
