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“Better,” he said aloud, like he was the personal judge of my struggles.
“Can you just not for like a day. One single day. I need a break.” The more I tried to use that part of myself, the more my head seemed to hurt.
“I don’t know why you’re mad at me for wanting to help you.” Nyx rested his elbows on his knees and put his head in his hands.
“Because you’re not helping me; you’re judging me.”
“I’m not.” He didn’t raise his head.
I rolled my eyes and sank lower into my seat. “Do you think it’s fun to have someone listening to your thoughts all day and all night?”
“I’ve had it my whole life. I don’t know any other way,” he said in my mind in case there were any listeners.
“It’s different when it’s someone who has your back.”
His head came up, and his wings flickered into view. “If you don’t think I have your back, I don’t know what we have. I don’t know how to get it across to you—I’m on your side. I need you, Sol. We are an extension of each other. One doesn’t work without the other. Aside from my brother, there is no one in the Twelve Kingdoms I’d protect more. Even if you hate me, even if you don’t want anything to do with magic, our lives are tied. Our fates are tied. I will always have your back no matter how you feel about me. There is no other way for me to exist.”
I didn’t know what to say to him. It wasn’t often Nyx left me speechless. My chest ached. I knew I was straddling the line between my two worlds, and I’d have to choose or they’d both destroy me. Why was I so resistant to this place when it was all the freedom I’d ever craved?
“I just need a break. My head hurts after every one of those sessions. I feel like I’m getting nowhere. Do you know how awful it is to feel like a failure day in, day out?”
Nyx let out a bitter laugh. “I know better than you think. Day after day, I get asked by the Regent and the King about our progress and feel my failures in their silence. It’s my fault your magic isn’t coming out.”
“Then, what do we do?” I asked, half to myself, half under my breath, needing a miracle from the Goddess.
“Maybe we should start over.”
“What do you mean?”
He got to his feet and offered me his hand. “We need a change of scenery.”
“What? We have arms training in less than an hour. We don’t have time to go anywhere.”
“We’re playing hooky today. I’ll have Kol make an excuse to Hazel. Come on.”
I took his hand. It felt strange to accept it without resistance, and his face told me he was thinking the same.
He pulled me out of my chair and led me from the library, down the hall, andto the dragon landing. There was one on every floor, all through the palace. They looked like large outdoor terraces without rails, but I quickly learned they weren’t a space to lounge in the sun as they were frequently used by all nature of flyers in the palace.
“What are we doing?”
Nyx opened a cupboard beside the landing door, and I noticed a well-stocked supply of those soft pants he seemed to love wearing around—to taunt me, I assumed. This must be where the flyers could dress after they shifted—a term I’d learned from my new books—and it looked as though there were a good number of shirts available, too. Who knew? Nyx sure seemed to miss those when he was dressing after a flight.
The wind whipped through the landing door and tossed my hair as a stark reminder of the heights the palace reached.
“Trust me.” Nyx’s wings formed while the rest of him began to flicker. He plucked a heavy-looking leather jacket from the cupboard and handed it to me. I took it, puzzled. “It gets cold up there. Put it on,” he instructed.
I balked. “But we aren’t allowed to fly.”
He took a cloth satchel from a hook and stripped off his clothes, with no care of who might see. I looked away, pulling on the jacket, and ignoring the amused sound he made.
“I can keep a secret if you can.” He handed me the bag, now filled with his clothes. “I want to show you something. Trust me. Please.”
I was doing a good job of not looking at him naked, and I prayed to the Goddess that was not what he meant to show me.
TWENTY-SIX
NYX
