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“What are you thinking up there, Sol?”
“You mean you aren’t hearing it all loud and clear?”
“No, not your thoughts, just your emotions. I can feel how much you like this. I just wanted to know what’s going through your head.” He paused. “You’re surprised. I feel that now.”
“I’m not trying to block you. I was too caught up in flying to make sure I was stopping the river in my mind.”
He was quiet.
“What is it?”
“I don’t know. Maybe this is bringing your magic on.”
“Flying?” He had settled into an easy rhythm, taking us higher around the valley.
“That’s part of it. Being together and strengthening our bond is the important thing.”
“We’ve seen each other every day,” I argued, not seeing his point.
“We haven’t exactly been bonding, though, have we?”
Guilt slammed into me.
“Don’t do that.”
“Do what?”
“I just told you I could feel your emotions, and you just let guilt overtake everything you were feeling. It’s not your fault, it’s mine. I should have handled things differently. You needed me, and I’ve been an arsehole.”
I couldn’t believe his words. Was this real or another trick to have me do his bidding? Even as I thought it, though, I knew it was real. “It wasn’t all you. I’ve been just as bad. It’s a lot to accept that everything I knew is gone, and I want to grieve that loss. I am. But the more I learn, the more I believe you when you say it was all a lie. It’s hard to know if I should be devastated or angry.”
“Which is why I should have been more supportive. I’m truly sorry.”
I sighed. “Look, it was both of us. We’re both dealing with a whole mess of things we can’t control, and we took that out on each other. But don’t start being all sweet. It’s freaking me out.”
I felt the rumble of his laughter through his scales. “Noted, Sol.”
We flew in silence for a while, and I tried to find a place I could exist between grief and hope.
What did I want?
I didn’t want to return to my old world. My eyes had been opened, and I couldn’t go back to a life without magic, even if I had none of my own. I liked this place and the fae. Here, females could do what they wanted, could be anything they wanted. I’d seen it. I couldn’t give that idea up now. It would be like going back to a cage for the rest of my life after experiencing outside of it.
It was being alone here that was the hardest thing to cope with. My past life was just gone. Any love I had, any support I needed, gone. And in this whole new world, it didn’t feel like there was a place for me. They were a family. They had each other’s love and support. They didn’t need to make room for me. But they had, I reminded myself. It was there. I just wasn’t letting myself feel it.
Choosing this life meant leaving my other behind. Was I brave enough?
It came down to trusting the fae I had around me now. Trusting them to catch me if I fell. It gave me an idea.
“Nyx?”
“Yes?”
“Have you ever lied to me?”
“Never.”
“So, I really met you when I was young?”
