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Tears leak down my face and I shake my head at myself, swiping at them. “You’re being a jerk. It’s not his fault a witch cursed him and it’s not his fault we’re fated to be together.” He was only driven to jump through that window, starting our mating bond, because he thought I was hurt.
Every action he’s taken has been for my benefit.
“But I’m still going to die.” Like all the others.
A soft knock on my door has me looking up. “Come in.”
Keenan pushes the door open, a box in hand, a contrite expression on his face.
I can’t help the accusation in my tone when I say, “I’m going to die.” Then I clarify, “Sooner than I was hoping.”
He drops the package onto the end of the bed and sits next to me, taking my hands. I let him, the warmth of his skin soothing me.
“You’re not going to die. I won’t let it happen.”
I nod toward the laptop. “They died.”
He shakes his head. “Not Gem. At least not young.”
“Why not her?” I’d read about Gem, but only her birthdate, which was 114 years ago. And that she was his mate before me.
“We didn’t bond. By the time I was free to make myself known to her, she was married and raising a family. I kept my distance, didn’t interact with her, and she lived to see her eighty-seventh birthday.” A faraway look enters his eyes as he reminisces. “She loved her garden. She spent so much time in it, tending to her flowers, talking to the bees as if they could understand her.”
His description brings an ache to my throat. “You must’ve really cared for her.”
“She was my mate,” he says simply.
“There’s a difference between loving someone and mating with them.”
“There is,” he admits. “Most mates love each other. The natural order may facilitate pairings, but it doesn’t mate people who aren’t compatible.”
“Did you love all of your mates?” Unbidden jealousy pierces my heart as I say the words, but he looks at me with such anguish, I realize I’m being selfish. As much as I want to be his only love, he has a past. This man… my mate… is hurting. His answer doesn’t matter. “Of course you did.” I rest my head on his shoulder and link my fingers with his. “I’m sorry you lost them.”
After a moment, he wraps his arm around me. “They weren’t a ’them’, they were all you.”
I tilt my head back to see his face. “Huh?”
“They’re incarnations of my mate. The same woman each time. You are them.”
I try to wrap my head around the concept. “So I’ve lived and died four times?”
He nods, his eyes dark with pain. “Yes. And maybe I should have let you live your life, like I did with Gem, but the pull is too strong.”
I settle against him, my head on his chest, hearing his sadness in the heavy beat of his heart.
Finally, he says, “It shouldn’t have hurt so much to lose Gem. We hadn’t bonded.”
I lean back to look at him. “But it did?”
He nods, his face a map of misery.
“I won’t let it happen again,” I tell him with conviction.
His lips quirk. “That’s supposed to be my line.”
“You’re not alone anymore, Keenan. You don’t have to bear this burden by yourself.”
“You make me feel less alone.”
