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“I don’t think I can be that guy with you. Safe is what I want you to feel with me, and I lost my head. Became angry and tense, and wanting you so damn bad it hurts everywhere.”
The rawness and sincerity had me choking up as I tightened my hold of his shirt, worried I’d lose him again. To the darkness. To death, too.
“I knew what you meant,” I said as fast as possible. “And I need you to know I understand the difference between you keeping me safe and you making me feel safe. I understand consent, and you have mine.” I needed his eyes back on me so he recognized I’d meant every word. “But are you saying you can’t be yourself with me?” And is it only because I’m unsure I can forgive taking a life when it’s not in self-defense?
“I can’t be like that with you.” He straightened but seized hold of my waist. “Correction, I don’t want to be like that with you. I just don’t know how to be any other way.” He shook his head. “You don’t want me killing that asshole, and I can’t promise that any more than I can make your parents like me.” His brows slanted, and my heart hurt all over again. But for him.
“My parents don’t even like themselves.” Even as the words left my lips I recognized the read-between-the-lines message he’d given me. He was thinking about a future with me. There was hope he wouldn’t run after this. That he wouldn’t try to push me away?
“What if that guy was just a temporary placeholder while you found your way back to being who you really are?”
He opened his mouth, only for a knock at the door to rob me of whatever he’d planned to share. “If it’s Griffin, go away,” he barked out.
“And if it’s not?” That was definitely Mya.
He muttered a few choice words and grumbled, “What is it?”
“Gwen’s about to reach out with news related to that encrypted text, thought you might want to join us.” Mya’s words were fast, as if realizing she was on borrowed time with Carter.
“Be right out.” He pushed away from the wall and reached down to return my yoga pants and panties back in place.
At his frown, I palmed his cheek, directing his attention back to me. “Maybe that was the universe’s way of telling us now isn’t the time to finish that conversation.”
“Fair enough,” he said in a less than convincing tone.
I leaned in to kiss him, intending on letting him know everything would be okay, but he stopped me and warned, “You put your mouth on mine, and we won’t be leaving this room. I’m still riled up and tense.” He brought my hand between us to feel his hard length, and his jaw locked the moment I tugged my wrist from his touch only to send my palm beneath the fabric instead.
He swore at the skin-on-skin contact, my hand gripping as much of him as possible. “You being this tense could be dangerous.” I arched a brow, but his eyes were laser-focused between us, staring at where my hand was, slowly sliding up and down his length. “How fast can you get off?”
A smirk cut across his mouth, and he wet his lips, eyes finding mine again.
I didn’t wait for a response, dropping to the floor and dragging his pants and briefs down with me.
He grunted and bent forward, planting both hands on the wall. On my knees, my back flush to that same wall, I peered up at him, holding his eyes as I licked the crown of his cock, relishing in the way he stared down at me, harsh breaths leaving him as he waited.
Not willing to waste another second, I hollowed my cheeks and took him fully into my mouth. He went from groaning to murmuring my name, and not even a minute or two later, he rasped, “Fuck, that’s my?—”
The “good girl” I’d felt on its way died in the air as he came hard and deep in the back of my throat.
Satisfied with myself, and after swallowing every drop, he helped me stand and did what I had no clue I’d ever needed. He drew me into his arms and hugged me.
Orgasm oxytocin was great. But Carter holding me like I was his whole world, well, it was a whole other level of amazing. This man could easily be more than just my world. He could be my entire universe.
45
CARTER
Fucked. There had to be a better word than that to describe my current state as I listened to my teammates pitch ideas back and forth about what to do next, and where to land while we waited for Gwen to call. At least the Secretary of Defense had given NATO the heads-up not to shoot down my two jets since we were in foreign airspace without a set LZ.
“Wait, what’d you say?” My angel’s sinful mouth was my new favorite distraction with it parted open like an invitation for me.
I must’ve tuned out whatever Jack had said, too busy stressing over the fact I was—for the lack of a better word—fucked.
“The Sapphire would be a place no one would expect us to go, being a hotel haven for criminals and all,” Jack said, presumably repeating himself.
“Oh, I heard that.” Diana leaned back in her chair across from me, the distance between where she was and my lap where I’d have preferred, entirely too far away. “The, uh, other thing.”
What thing?
