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“Did you just find out today?” The fact she’d yet to look at me . . .
“Last night I learned there were three unidentified bodies pulled from a fire, with evidence pointing toward it more than likely being your colleagues,” I admitted. The full weight of the world slammed down on me when she finally did push back to sit on her heels, eyes meeting mine.
“That’s what you were afraid to tell me last night.” The words came out so small, and how could I not read between the lines and assume she was upset with me for making love to her knowing there was a chance her friends were dead? Upset that I’d withheld that information instead of giving her time to prepare for the news.
I closed my eyes and surrendered the truth. My yes came out like a heavy breath. I was going to lose her. Because instead of being a thoughtful human and trusting her with the information, I was a selfish prick who took what I wanted because she’d offered it to me on a silver platter. I always fucked up, didn’t I? It was inevitable. “Positive IDs were made this morning.”
Tears streamed down her cheeks, and with a trembling hand, she picked up her glasses. “I just, um, need some time to be alone. To process this.”
Assuming she didn’t want me touching her, I let her stand on her own, and it took all my restraint not to draw her into my arms and console her.
Glasses back on, a hand to her abdomen, she went to the door.
Seeing her so broken and not being able to fix it was going to shred me. “I’m so sorry, Diana. For their loss.” I swallowed. “For the fact I let last night . . .” She went still by the doorway as I left my thought unfinished, finding it too hard to say out loud. “How do I fix this?”
“You can’t fix it,” she cried, a quick and painful glance back at me. “They’re dead.”
59
CARTER
I’d be lying if I said I hadn’t considered checking in on Diana over the security cameras at the property. But the last thing she needed from me was an invasion of her privacy, so I’d behaved.
I’d also kept my distance the last twelve hours like I figured she wanted me to do. I’d made sure Oliver had delivered her lunch and dinner. He said she’d refused to eat both meals, and he wasn’t open to getting socked in the jaw for trying to force-feed her.
When Oliver had let me know he’d witnessed her blinking back tears while staring at a mess of equations on her whiteboard, I nearly ran to the lab to sweep her into my arms.
She had to be feeling remorseful that she’d lived while others had died. To make it worse, it’d be painfully clear to her their lives had less value than hers to the monsters behind this. And she’d hate herself for that, too. Maybe even blame their deaths on the fact we’d saved her.
This woman was too sensitive and caring, and I knew how much of a struggle it must’ve been to compartmentalize today. To shut down her emotions and work. Did she panic clean and panic shower when upset? Yeah. But this was different. She couldn’t panic think her way out of this situation.
She wasn’t me. She wouldn’t be consumed by the need for justice to push her on. Instead, she’d be consumed by guilt. Guilt was something I knew and lived every day, and I didn’t want her feeling an ounce of it, especially not with everything she was dealing with.
Lost to my thoughts, I wasn’t sure how long Oliver had been standing in the doorway of the office, holding his bum shoulder in the sling. I leaned back in the chair, wishing it was Diana there instead. “What’s up?”
He tipped his head, a request to come in, and I motioned for him to sit.
While waiting for him to drop down in front of the desk, I checked the time on my watch. 23:00. It’d been nearly twenty-four hours since I’d first made love with Diana, and now it’d been almost twelve hours since she’d uttered a word to me.
“Hear something from Bravo?” I asked him. I figured Gray would’ve been the one to share that news, so I wasn’t shocked to see him shake his head no.
Bahar’s brother, Deniz, had gone missing before Bravo arrived in Istanbul, so they were now working to locate him. To follow the trail of breadcrumbs that’d been left for us to find.
“To be honest, I was just checking on you.” He cleared his throat. “Per Diana’s instructions.”
I gripped the chair arms at his words—at the hope he’d just given me. “She did, did she?”
“Never thought my job would have me feeling like a kid stuck going back and forth between their parents.” A smile cut across his lips. “No offense.”
“A little taken.” At the realization my death grip on the chair arms was dangerously close to snapping them off, I let go and clasped my hands on my lap. “Does she know everything now? Did Gray or Griffin fill her in? Does she know Bahar’s brother may be dead, too?”
Oliver nodded. “She took it as you’d expect.”
Horribly. More guilt.
“So, what am I telling her? That Dad is good? Not to worry?”
Dad, huh? Thank God that, despite all of Diana’s father’s faults, she didn’t seem to have any underlying daddy issues. I wasn’t sure if I could handle that given our age gap.
